We've only just begun...

This morning when i arrived at the office I spent some time in prayer. I was praying over the whole situation with the decision that I need to make, again submitting it to the Father. I was also praying that Jesus would be sovereign over the decision, and over the leadership, that my leaders would look to Jesus for His will concerning my partnership with the C&MA. As I was praying this image came to my mind: my director was sitting on at his desk talking on the phone to me and behind him stood Jesus...he was towering over my director as if to emphasize His authority, His sovereignty. It again encouraged me and solidified to me how involved the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are in this whole process.

I could go into so much detail concerning how the conversation went this morning, but I'll try to keep it simple.
I have decided to continue moving forward with the C&MA. I will be pursuing the possibilities that are in front of me with these countries, talking with the regional leaders about vision but also sharing with them what I know is on my heart for ministry. As we move along in this, if there is any time when i am sensing God leading me in a different direction we will be able to reassess things and determine what to do at that point. They desire to see the will of God completed in my life and if it means that He takes me in a different direction than what I'm pursuing now they are 100% supportive.

I also discussed with him the confirmation I have sensed God strongly give to me to pursue intercession and growing in my experience of it through guidance and teaching from seasoned intercessors. I mentioned the College of Prayer and wondered about the integration of international ministries with the College of Prayer. This is going to have to be an ongoing conversation because as of right now there is no clear understanding of what this could look like. Right now the only way the College of Prayer is integrated is that leaders who are stateside go over short-term and lead sessions and then return to the states. I am called to be on the foreign ground long term, so this sort of integration wouldn't do for me.I want to be involved in a ministry of intercession on the field. but we have no idea what that would look like. So, there is hope for future discussion concerning this. however, I was advised that in the next few months I really need to pursue the College of Prayer and find out as much as I can, become more familiar with them, be in contact with them about their vision and see what doors God could open and if there is a way to integrate the two.

So, with all of this said, basically I have decided to step into a vast sea of more questions. :) But at least I am swimming in the sea now, and not just standing along the shore wondering what the sea is like.
I can definitely use A LOT of people praying for me in this, so if you want to pray contact me and ask how you can be partnering in this with me. :)

Thanks so much for all of your support,love and prayers over the last few months...we are just beginning in this wild adventure with God...it's exciting to see how it will all unfold.

Update

I just wanted to inform all of you that I went into yesterday's deadline for my decision with the desire to express honestly that I still am not 100% sure. I explained some of the questions I need to have answered and asked if there would be anyway to have an extension of time. I sense that God really wants me to continue to persevere in prayer concerning this and to believe that He'll answer. So, my director will be returning on Tuesday of next week and i plan on having a phone conversation with him. My prayer is that some other things will unfold before then which will make the conversation quite productive. Keep praying...there seems to be much that God has to teach me through this.

The River

Last night at small group, my friend Rebecca shared something from Ezekiel 47. Ezekiel is being shown a vision of the temple area, and this particular passage refers to the river that is flowing from the entrance of the temple. This is what is says, "As the man went eastward with a measuring line in his hand, he measured off a thousand cubits and then led me through water that was ankle-deep. He measured off another thousand cubits and led me through water that was knee-deep. He measured off another thousand and led me through water that was up to the waist. He measured off another thousand but now it was a river that I could not cross, because the water had  risen and was deep enough to swim in-a river that no one could cross. He asked me, "Son of man, do you see this?" Rebecca explained that the Lord spoke to hear about this river flowing from the temple of God being the presence of God that is available to us...some are only experiencing it up to their ankles, but there is more...you can go deeper. Wading in ankle deep water is refreshing and it is enjoyable, but  how much more refreshing is it when you get to swim in it!
I just loved that image, because there is more to God's presence than what we are experiencing now. I know for me, I only know the ankle-deep level, but I want to know more, I want to go further. And I think He is using this decision I have to make to show me that there is more to know of Him. That I have not yet been filled to the measure of the fullness of God. I've only just dipped my toes in! So, bring on more of your Spirit Lord! I want to be filled to the measure of the fullness of God!

Seeking after the Jewel Part 1

The Promise

As I embarked on my two day journey in solitude and prayer with the Lord I wasn't sure what God had in store for me. And frankly, though many people gave me the encouragement that God would indeed meet me and show me his path, I secretly doubted. But with the mustard seed sized faith that I had I moved forward with hope that God would indeed show up. Beloved, He did.

I began my days of solitude and prayer by spending time at Tyler State Park basking in the glory of God's creation. It was restful and relaxing, but when I tried to dig my heels into prayer I felt like I came up against a wall...something that wouldn't allow me to move into undistracted communion with the Father. I was a bit discouraged and thought, “man what a way to start off my retreat with the Lord. I'm not sensing his nearness!!!” But thank you to all who were praying specifically against distraction because the Lord answered your prayers in great ways later that evening when I arrived at my retreat location. It was as if I was entering Christ's very own rest that is talked about in Hebrews. Indeed, it was truly satisfying...I was answering the call of Christ to come to His waters, to taste and see that He is good...to partake of the richest of fare. I felt a huge burden just slip right off. I was truly in the refuge of the Living God.
    As I settled into the evening with the Lord, the words “perseverance” kept showing up as I kept reading portion after portion of God's word, receiving the this bread of life. He was encouraging me to keep going, to keep pursuing him, his wisdom and understanding. Perseverance must finish its work so that I would be mature and complete not lacking anything. I think that in times like these, when we seek the Lord, not only for an answer, but genuinely seek His heart and mind He requires perseverance, because he doesn't want us to lack anything. As I was praying and reading he lead me to Proverbs 2: 1-6 which says “My son (daughter in my case), if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding...then you will understand what is right and just and fair-every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.”  So, I my prayer became, “LORD you promised that if I seek wisdom as I would treasure that it would enter my heart and be pleasant to my soul. You promised. For your name's sake I am holding you to your promise. Fulfill it in me.”
    The next morning I awoke to the sun beaming through the cracks of the window blinds. I awoke with expectation in my  heart. I looked up to the ceiling and what I saw made my heart stir and my jaw drop...I whispered “no way.” There before me were mute colors that spilled across the white surface...there before me was a rainbow. I couldn't help but be in awe that God would give me this...that at this moment this image was only for me in response to my prayers before the Lord. I got out of bed and realized that not only was the rainbow on the ceiling right above me but it was also spilling across the wall as well. The rainbow was all around me. God sets the rainbow as the sign for His covenants, the sign of His promise. I heard a whisper in my spirit “I remember my promise.”
    “And God said, 'I now establish my covenant with you...this is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds I will remember my covenant...”

Seeking after the Jewel Part 2

"I will be found..."

In Ephesians Paul is on his knees praying in the power of the Holy Spirit that the church, his brothers and sisters in Ephesus would experience what God has poured out into him. He is on his knees before the Father, desperate that out of the glorious, marvelous, beautiful riches of God they would be strengthened  with power through the Spirit in their inner being. His desire was for the power of the Spirit to begin to move within them, giving strength. He wanted them to grab a hold of faith so that Christ would dwell inside them. 

Stop here for a second. Think about that. 

Having the very Spirit of the Most High God flow in your inner man...do you get this? Do you marvel at this mystery? Are you on your knees in a response of love? Paul prayed that they would be rooted and established(grounded) in His love that they would be filled with power from on high-power to actually grasp how wide and long and high and deeps is the love of Christ and to know this love, to love being loved by God...to know it with a knowledge that surpasses the minds capacity to know...he's talking about a deep spiritual knowledge of the depths of God's love for them. For us. For you. For me. Consider also, for a moment, the fullness of the Triune God. Think about in the Old Testament when God's presence descended upon the Temple...the power, the strength, the beauty of God filling the temple. The fullness of the divine, perfect, holy, lovely, pure, etc etc...this is Christ's desire-that we be consumed with the fulness of God.

    As you read this first paragraph of the blog you will see that what was on God's agenda for me in this retreat wasn't exactly my agenda, and thank goodness for that. He answered prayers that my heart has been praying for years...the work that He did was far deeper than just an answer to the next step in my journey. I don't know if many of you struggle and wrestle with belief that God could indeed have promises ready to be fulfilled in your life; that God could indeed love you as much as He says He does; that His eyes are set upon you...His gaze fixed on you. To have the faith to say with confidence  “I am my Beloved's and He is mine.” The question that resonated in me was deeper than “God, what do I do next?” But instead God had questions to ask me: "Are you made perfect in love? Do you believe? Will you receive my promises?” What God revealed to me was that He wanted me to believe Him. He wanted me to know that He keeps His promises. Out in front of me is the Promised Land, the promised inheritance for those who are in Christ, and the Lord is standing beside me saying “Look, all of this I give to you as an inheritance, in Christ you are given every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. It is awaiting you to go in and take possession of it. Do you believe me that this is yours? Do you believe? Will you receive it?” And here instead was the decision: Will I be like the people of Israel who lacked the faith that believed God could indeed give them this “promised” land or will I go in by faith and take possession of my inheritance? 

The answer was faith; belief that God is who He says He is. But this faith had to go beyond a conceptual understanding of what a life lived by the Spirit is to look like. It was actually saying, “OK this is what this looks like, but I WANT to experience it, to go further up and further in to the depths of the mysteries of God. I HAVE to, I NEED to.” As Paul said, “To know this love that surpasses knowledge-that I may be filled  to the measure of all the fullness of God.” This is more than knowledge. This is encounter, this is experience.
Christ's desire is for me to know the love of the Father, and to trust in this love. For this love that the Father has for the Son is the very same love that He has for me. Receiving this love does not come naturally, and neither does receiving all of the wonderful blessings of the Spirit that God wants to pour out into those who seek it. His blessings are for those who believe enough to ask for it and to receive it.  And in all of this God was saying “If I say I will do something, do not doubt but believe that I keep my promise. Believe that I will do it. Believe that I love you.”

As of 11:56 pm on Wednesday night I do not have a clear cut answer about this decision that I need to make, but so much more has been made clear to me. I still have before me the choice to take the way of Abraham and move forward out of faith even if I don't know where I am going, or if I am to wait in a season of intentional prayer for the Spirit of God to birth in me a vision for the nation He will send me into. But I am at peace because a freedom in my spirit has been released and the Lord reminded me that not only did he lay the calling to go into the nations to preach the gospel but he also has anointed my life with the calling of an intercessor. He confirmed in my spirit that a big part of my calling to the overseas mission will be to battle in prayer, to intercede and stand in the gap for the nation that he sends me to. Knowing this does bring clarity to what my next step must include. Receiving the confirmation of this in my spirit is more valuable than knowing a “yes” or "no."
I do believe however that I have enough wisdom and understanding from the Lord to go into tomorrow with a plan. Based on what the Lord has revealed to me, I have some questions that I need to be asking that could really help to clarify further. My plan is to be open and honest with my director about what the Lord revealed to me, how I intend to further pursue my call to intercession and what I feel is needed to develop that and a few other questions I have. I am at peace with this.