Wash me in the Water

I'm standing on what appears to be a diving board, my feet on the edge of the board ready to dive-but wait, it isn't water that lies before me. I look down and what awaits me is the Word of God. Without hesitancy I dive face first into the Scriptures, sinking deep, not holding my breath but instead inhaling everything as I dive-allowing for the Scriptures to consume my lungs. And then I started to resurface and once I got back up to the surface I just started swimming in the Word...and it was as if the water lines of the Word were unending, no matter how far to one edge I would swim, it just kept reaching out into the horizon, taking me further and further-I just kept swimming and with every stroke that I made a page turned with it-so smooth, so steady, so graceful. 
The scene quickly changed and I was getting out of the "water." I reached down to grab my towel and pulled it up into the air-it became the German flag-and then carefully laid it down on the ground. I fell to my knees on top of the German flag and with my face pressed down against the flag I began to intercede for Germany-prayers were rising up into the heavens, but you couldn't actually hear my prayers, instead you could see them rising up in the air...they were in the shape of music notes. Coming out of my heart and mouth were songs of prayer over the country of Germany. 

Pretty powerful. These images were given to Val, a friend of mine, as her and another friend, Shelly, were interceding for me. I was blown away at the detail described, but also by images themselves and the volume at which they spoke to my soul. It is so very clear through this the emphasis God is making on the importance of being consumed by His Word, being washed by His Word, making every stroke in sync with the Word; His Word is Eternal, without Limit, no end. It is through this that I will then be able to intercede for Germany, not just in prayer, but that out of my mouth will flow songs for Germany. I believe that what this is saying to me is that through my Abiding in Christ will come a heart of intercession for the people of Germany and that some how God will use the music and songs in my heart to serve and to minister to them. Maybe even to break down strongholds-music under the anointing of the Holy Spirit and in collaboration with the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God is an effective tool to tear down strongholds...if this is your will Lord, so let it be. Like I said...powerful...humbling...a great responsibility.
And a wonder and a mystery that God speaks to us the way He does...this reminds me of a song that I love...called Small Enough by Nicole Nordeman. Here is a link to the song if you would like to listen:
http://www.myspace.com/nicholenordeman/music/songs/small-enough-this-mystery-album-version-33875635

He hears us when we pray, He longs to reveal His heart and His will-now the question is...what will I do with what I've been given and this knowledge of His will?

New Experiences

Pictures from my trip to Wernigeroda Germany in December. A good look at a typical German town-completely different from Berlin.

Change personified.

For years, "Change" and I have been good friends. We've journeyed the road of life together, anticipated the adventure that was just over the horizon. In the beginning, "Change" was exciting and I couldn't wait to start a new adventure with her. She'd arrive and say excitedly, "Come on, we have so much more to discover together, experiences to have that will make you a better person." I loved it when she came knocking. But over the last few years as "Change" and I have traveled these winding roads, I realized they became more slippery, rocky, uncertain and required 'more of me'. To her credit though, when we came to the end of each journey I felt as if my perspective of the world, and of myself was deeper, more meaningful, more complete. I would emerge feeling stronger and more steady. However, I don't forget the times when I felt lost, fearful, uncertain about where she was leading, and not  confident that I could actually make it. At times it seemed too hard, even though in the end I was shown triumph and victory.

I can't escape that "Change" is persistently knocking on the door of my life. I know it's there, and so many times I've walked toward to door, reaching for the knob to let it in, but then my mind starts imagining how it will invade every part of my life, and my hand stops mid-air; then retreats. I stand on one side of the door, "Change" on the other, waiting to be let in. It's ironic really, how I anticipate the arrival of "Change," but then reluctant to release myself.

How often this is the case also when Jesus beckons us to come to him to find life, to walk the many roads with Him. We long for it, but then often we are reluctant to release ourselves to him, even when we know that on the other end is life and fulfillment. We hold on to the old wineskins, resisting that which is new because it is unknown; and that...makes us uncomfortable.

Schönes Deutschland

Thanks to the wonderful and intelligent world of APPLE, I have been able to put together a video filled with photos of places I have visited during these last three months, and also just scenes from life here in Berlin. I hope that this helps you see a glimpse of my everyday here...Also Several weeks ago I got the opportunity to travel to Dresden to cheer on my team mate Don as he subjected himself to his very first full blown marathon. The whole team decided to make a weekend of it, to keep the camaraderie amongst us strong...plus it was a great opportunity to see other cities in East Germany and for me to gain more "cultural knowledge."

Also, because my brain seems to be working on overload with cultural adjustments and learning the language (I'm typing this while my brain seems to be speaking loudly "stop using me...I'm done.), my blog posts seem to be few and far between and are more photos than ramblings about my experiences here. I am hoping soon that my mind will remember how to speak creatively instead of grammatically-all that seems to be coming to my mind right now is "do I use 'zu' in this context or 'dass'? What endings go on the adjectives and in what situation do I conjugate the verbs and which situations do I not?" Not much creativity seems to be spilling out these days...so, hence I give you pictures. That way, you can use your imagination to create stories of your own. :D

Along the Streets of Berlin

In the first few weeks of Berlin I set aside my camera in order to withstand the urge to be "touristy." I didn't want to view Berlin in the eyes of a tourist, but I wanted to experience Berlin like any normal Berliner would...so, I set foot to figuring out the grocery stores that I liked (Kaufland, Rewe, Kaisers and yes indeed ALDI), getting myself a mobile phone, registering at the Rathaus (city hall) in the city of Berlin, setting up a bank account, figuring out the intricate Bahn-system (Public transportation), buying flowers to put on my new balcony, going to IKEA to buy things for the apartment, etc. etc. With all of that, plus starting language school, and trying to get on the right sleeping schedule there wasn't too much time in the first two weeks to be a tourist...and for that I am very glad. I've realized that there is a mentality that goes along with "tourist." To be a tourist is to be spectator-to remain on the outside of the culture gazing in; to not venture in deeply to experience the good and the not so good of the culture in which you find yourself. It's usually the glamourous places that the tourist wants to see, to snap a few shots, chalk it up to another place visited and a potential story to tell children or grandchildren when they ask what you've seen in life...but aren't the best stories the ones where you dig a bit further in than just "saying" you've seen a place. Don't the meaningful stories come from letting the smells, the tastes, the sounds, and the history, impact your senses? Too many times I've been guilty of living a "tourist" life.
Within the last week, I did get a chance to get out to "see the city." But as I went, I made an effort to think about the places I was going, to not just take the photo, but to consider the life that is lived or the life that can be had in each place. Berlin, and it's surrounding areas is a city given to History. So much has taken place here...let me introduce you to a few of those places.

Along Strelitzer Straße:

If you can see the posts sticking up out of the ground, you will see that this is where the Berlin Wall once stood-separating the East from the West-cutting many off from family and close friends. 

 And here is the actually remnants of the Berlin Wall that are still standing. 

It is said that no one had a clue that the separation was coming. One night everyone went to sleep and the next day, Barb wired fences were built cutting you off from the other side-no warning, no chance to say goodbye. 

 After the Barbed wire came the Wall...many were killed trying to cross the wall.

 Today it still stands...reminding people of what once was.

 This is my street-Strelitzer Straße. In the distance you see the TV tower-which was built by the communists while controlling East Berlin. The Russians wanted a visual reminder of how powerful they were-they wanted all of Berlin, not just the East side to see and to remember.

The place where my life is lived...welcome to my apartment. :)

 Here is my lovely balcony-Here I have had many moments of silence while sipping on my morning cup of Joe. 

 The view of the courtyard from my balcony-the place where many children play and people sit and talk.

My lovely roommate, Natalie and I.

Along the Brandenburg Gate:

 Years ago, this was the main entrance into the city-a thoroughfare, if you will, with a purpose. Now it is merely a memorial, a place for tourists. Again, seeing this makes me wonder what the days were like back when Berlin was divided.

 It is truly a powerful and magnificent structure!

Along the Holocaust Memorial:

 One starts off walking through these concrete slabs and they are ankle high...then they become knee high, then waist high-one is still able to see those others who are wandering around...but then the deeper you go, the less you can see the others around you...

 You find yourself alone, with the slabs now way over your head...walking through these aisles that seem to touch the "lonely" part of the human soul.

 This photo makes me think of all the feet that walked the pavements of the concentration camps, those who died without cause, without reason. It's sobering.

The artist gave no description of why he created this memorial the way he did...I guess maybe he wanted to leave room for what ideas and thoughts come to the individual mind as they journey through this memorial to what once was.

*There will be more pictures to come in the next few entries...

Sent out

Today is my last day in the US. My dad looked at me from across the dinner table tonight and asked "Summer, where did these last four months go?" It went too fast. I have enjoyed my time here so much, it's been so long since I've been "around" family. I was able to be here when my grandfather passed away, to say goodbye to him and grieve his passing; I was here to watch my nephew play baseball and hit home-runs, cheering him on from the stands; I was able to spend valuable time with my nieces, watching them in play using their vivid imaginations, wondering when they grew up...and now realizing that it will be several years until I get to hug them again. I have strengthened my friendship with my sisters and cherished the deep and meaningful talks we would have, and laugh and joke like we've never been apart. My sisters are my best friends, and I will feel the void of their presence as I have had it over the last few months. I've also spent valuable time with my parents, feeling their love for me so strongly and cherishing the time we've spent as a family. I am so blessed with the family i have...God has given me such an amazing gift of friends and family. But He has also shown me the treasure He has given me in the body of Christ-those in Texas, those in Ohio, and those all over the nation and internationally. I've had tears well up for me today, it comes and goes. I'm not sure how tomorrow morning will be. I may break down or I might hold it in...sometimes I just don't know how I will deal. But all I know is this is my path, this is the destiny laid out for my by the Lord...I trust His guidance and as He leads me (like in Psalm 23) so He will lead my family; protecting them and loving them and caring for them.
Here I am Lord, send me.

The gigantic elephant in the room

Even though each day moves on, making the tally one less day until my departure, it still doesn't feel real. Yesterday we had farewell party for me with my extended family, and yet it didn't feel any different than one of our normal get togethers. Today we had our family photos taken and again it didn't feel like this would be the last one we would have all together for 4 years. We're not really talking about it, although sometimes I catch a glimpse of my mom teary eyed and sniffling...I know she's thinking about it and I know that she feels that it's getting closer. I think we all feel that it's getting closer, but none of us is really wanting to talk about what this really means for us as a family. It's the gigantic elephant in the room.
Tonight though, a little crack in our tough exterior regarding this topic was made. I was sitting on the front porch of my sister's house just talking. She was asking me details about what more I needed to buy and what still needed to be done before I leave and then talking about our family photos that had been taken. I shared with her how good it made me feel that Mason (my 10 yr. old nephew) had wanted to make sure to get a picture taken with me. It was then that the crack came...she proceeded to tell me that Mason is taking my leaving harder than she thought he would. She went on to explain what she meant by that and it just about broke my heart to hear that this is difficult for him. But as I sit here and write this, it breaks my heart because I'm not going to be able to be here for him (or the others) like I have over the last four months. Mason will be 14 when I get back. Maxon will be 4. Callie and Izzy will be 8 or 9 and Sydney will be 10. I won't be able to have girls night at Aunt Summer's house where we paint our nails, play games and watch fun movies. So much of their lives I'm going to miss. I want to know them and for them to know me, and a fear is that they'll know who their aunt Summer is, but we won't really know each other. That thought kills me. And these are honest moments when a part of me wishes that God would have called me to something different, something that didn't take me away from my family. These honest moments won't keep me from going for there is a great part of my heart that is longing for this, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't have moments of feeling that I wanted to stay.
I am grateful that in today's world of int'l work I'm not hopping on a freight, with my stuff packed in my coffin, with the basic idea that I would never return home. I am grateful for things like skype, iPod facetime, email, video, etc. These things will make it easier to stay connected...but they will never replace living life side by side, being there in the flesh giving hugs........

These are the things that I'm thinking about at 1:42am...the things that I'm starting to feel.