Candid images: pictures of everyday thoughts

Hope Haven-it's a hiding place of sorts. Women arrive defeated on the doorsteps of this haven. They are women, worn by the depravity of this world, who have said yes one too many times to it's pleasures only to be caught in a snare that wounds them even more. They are overwhelmed and oppressed by the choices they make, enslaved by their consequences. They look exhausted. They look heavy, and weary, hardened like stone. Here a paradigm begins to shift. Some grasp a hold of the shift and feast on it, others run from it, incapable of letting such change take root in them.

I've been given the amazing opportunity to catch a glimpse of the joy that is being cultivated into the heart and life of one of the women in this haven. And my interaction with her left the phrase of King David to resonate in my heart: "Restore to me the joy of thy Salvation!!!!" How many of us still feel that excitement of salvation? The thrill of being rescued from the dominion of darkness and being brought into his marvelous light? She is hungry. She is thirsty for more of the Lord, even though most of the time Scripture is over her head....she doesn't toss it aside and say forget this nonsense, but she strives to make sense of it, she seeks out people who will help her understand. She gives testimony to the Lord about how He met her need very practically, And in our bible studies her eyes fill with tears because the Lord just revealed His will to her through something that was said or read. But most of all, the joy just radiates from her. She has hope again. God has been her shield, the lifter of her head. It's written all over her face. Salvation had come to her and she clings to it.
I am reading the book "The pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer and the first chapter of the book is titled "Following hard after God." And it seems that this woman who has had everything stripped away from her, including her children, has made room in her life for God, and not only has she accepted him but she is following hard, striving, after God. It's not a ginger walk through the park, but an uphill climb on jagged rock cliffs. A.W. also talks about this idea of God revealing himself to "little children" and keep his way hidden from the wise. This woman is a little child in her faith, and she seems to be hearing from the Lord in ways that I want to be hearing from him and can't. Have I somehow given myself permission to slack off in my pursuit of God because of my 20 plus years as a christian and participating in church? Because of my bachelor's and master's degree at a bible and theology school? Have I unknowingly replaced a simple child like faith that would enable me to see the revelations of Christ with a wisdom that lacks any passion or revelation? And ultimately lacks the faith necessary for these revelations? How does one grow up in faith, yet still keep the childlikeness that opens the way for the revelation of Christ? How do we keep ourselves from becoming like the pharisees? Becoming wise in the ways of God, but yet completely miss that God is standing in our midst? God forbid that this would happen to any of us! Questions I find myself asking: Do I long for God like I long for water? Do I long for God like I long to be satisfied in my job or in ministry? Do I long for God like I long for that morning cup o' joe? Do I long for him more than I long to have a husband? And if the answer is no...when did my longing cease? Why has it ceased? And what are the implications of a ceased longing?

I will end these provocations with something from this chapter by A.W. Tozer:

"I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality of our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of our spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He wants to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain."

well...I did something a bit risky, about a month ago. I went dark. I decided one evening, that I wanted to be able to control something in my life and needed a change (and hair often is the easiest thing to change) so I went to the store and purchased dark brown hair dye and if you look to the right, you'll see the outcome. It makes me feel a bit more mysterious! Not so predictable or ordinary. Just thought I would share this wonderful information with you all. :) Now you can all sleep better at night.

Thanks to many of you out there who have been praying for me to find a car!!!! I found one!
It is a 2002 Honda Civic, silver with around 112,000 miles on it. It is in good condition both interior and exterior except for a minor little ding on the back right tail light.
From everyone who I have talked to about cars they give double thumbs up for a Honda and say that I can anticipate adding many more miles to a honda engine and still being in good shape. The amazing thing about all of this is that God is teaching me how to use my intuition and my perceiving skills. Out of all the cars I have seen, and driven I never had a good sense about any of them. I couldn't put my finger on why exactly but something in my gut just told me to wait...so I did. I went back to the news journal to look to see if any new cars came up and my eyes caught one that I had seen before but over looked because I just didn't think it was what I wanted. I figured I'd give the guy a call to see if it was still there (chances were that it wasn't, being a Honda and all-they sell quick.) The guy answered and told me he still had it, and immediately I had this sense of "rightness" about this car. I just knew. Yep, this one is it. And it is! I'll make it final on Thursday! Thank you so much for praying everyone! It's amazing, absolutely amazing that God is as involved in these aspects as he is in bringing people to salvation. He wants our whole lives sanctified, which includes how we handle buying cars, how we use the personality He has given us in making decisions, and trusting Him through it all. This is what it means to be in constant communion with God, relying upon His guidance and leading and trusting Him when He leads. Scripture has become more alive to me than ever lately! And God uses our everyday circumstances to show us how alive He is in us! What a wonderful SAvior!

Summer, shaking her fists at cars. Grrrr.

Just want to let ya'll know....buying a car is absolutely frustrating! Can you hear the angst in that statement? If not, re-read it, it's there. I know next to nothing about cars except what body style I like and the color. So, you ask me to make a decision on a car and I'll look blankly at you...I have no idea. And trying to find a car for $5000 that doesn't have 130,000 or more miles on it is virtually impossible. And so, must I give in and buy a car with 145000 on it? To me that just isn't worth it, but what can I expect? I have only a certain amt of money and don't want to go into debt just to buy a car.
I spent several hours today and over the past few weeks trying to find a car....finding one that I liked and then having something happen that makes me doubt that it is a good find. Like today, I was all set to buy a dodge stratus, 2002 with 75000 miles on it...then I went to look at a consumer report and there were more black dots than red ones....not good. So, I started over and left the search today bereft and frustrated. All the thoughts swarming through...do you want that many miles? You only have $5000, will the engine last? how about the transmission, will I have to replace it in a month? Ooooh I'd really like a jeep, oh wait how many miles per gallon? Was this car in an accident? All those scratches, does it have a cd player?Oh! I like the sun roof! What about the tires?And it's the battle between what I want and what is practical. Sigh. I just don't want to make the wrong decision and have to pay for it later.
Here you are folks....this is the real nitty gritty stuff of the life of Summer Hartzler in Longview TExas! In the face of frustration! ARGH!
Ha, so as you can see I haven't quite learned the lesson in patience in this matter. If only the car would fall in my lap....well not literally that would be quite painful. Sigh.

Emmanuel-God with us.

"I am with you."
"I am with you."
"I am with you."
Does saying it more than once, repeating it like a chant, emphasize the power of the meaning of these four words? In language, the more you emphasize a word or phrase, the more meaning is attached to it. These words keep coming back and the more I "hear them" in the depths of my soul, the more I am forced to acknowledge them, stop and consider them, and choose to believe them. But before I can believe them, I have to ask the question, do I even understand what they mean? Do I really comprehend that the Almighty God, the one who, out of his mouth poured furious light, who holds back the oceans with his hand, who measures the universe in the span of his hand, who paints the sky each morning and each evening, this God...YHWH...I am that I am...who was and is and always will be, the Alpha and Omega, the eternal one without beginning or end, this God....is with...me. He is with me. This word with is a relational word. It denotes nearness, among, in the company of (I used my awesome scholastic skills here and looked up the definition.. ;) ). I guess, I'm just now having my eyes opened to the beauty and majesty of what it means!
I mean....GOD! He is near! He is among humanity! His presence is over us, around us; His Spirit moves through us, counsels us, nourishes us, convicts us of our wrongs, supports us, empowers us to speak boldly and with courage. We can actually "feel" his nearness at times and know it in our souls. He holds us up, walks beside us. This relationship with God is real. It's real. It touches every aspect of our lives, not just when we are at church should we draw "near" to the Lord. But when you wake in the morning, reach out to Him to take hold of Him, speak to Him as you would a friend who is next to you, and believe that He speaks back...listen for Him. Just think how much our lives could change if we lived intentionally as if those words were actually true...."I am with You." He knows it's true...do I? Do you? Does the church? I think I'd live my life more passionately if I truly believed it.
So here we go God, you're with me. Let's go. Let's live this life together. Go deep with me. Show me the world that you see. Motivate me. Flood my heart with your love and compassion. Give me one pure and Holy Passion. One magnificent obsession. That I may know and follow hard after you.

December Fun

Yes folks, that's right, Snow in TEXAS! For two minutes last wednesday night, it snowed. It is evidenced on my car.
You, can't really see the snow on the roof of my car, but it's there.

And so to prove that it's there I made a hand print.

The Christmas season has arrived! And all the holiday lights are on display. In fact, tonight our church is taking a tour of the Longview Lights display...and I must say from the the displays I've seen already, Longview goes all out! But I've always loved the Christmas lights. When I was a little girl, my sisters and I would run to our car when we were getting ready to head to church and wrestle over who got to sit on which side of the car...all because we knew who get the better view of all the Christmas lights on the way to church...and we'd make a competition out of it too...who ever counted the most lights on their side would win! Now, of course we never actually won anything, but bragging rights, and as the youngest of three girls, I needed all the bragging rights I could get. :)
So, in some ways seeing all these lights just brings up really fun memories for me as a little girl.
This past saturday I went to Jefferson, the historical town filled with antique shops (Dad, you'd be in heaven) with some friends from the church and we did some Christmas shopping. A very festive and fun occasion to get me in the Christmas mood. Here are just a few pictures from that night.

Alicia, making a new friend.

Of course we found the cowboy hats. Yee HAw!

Here are the animals that were part of the strange manger scene made out of metal. We werent' exactly sure what the small middle animal was supposed to be, we actually thought it was a giant fly, but I don't recall a giant fly being a part of the manger scene.



There are some crazy things found in the Jefferson General Store...We found the crazy sunglasses section. Here, Alicia Nevius is sporting her "winged pig" sunglasses.


Hey, what's life without a little fun, eh?

Tidal Wave of Grief Meets Strong Tower of Love

Many of you might have already read this note that I've written on facebook, but I also wanted to include this on my blog so that those who are not facebook users could also be included in this. Please be praying for Jennifer. I've really felt compelled lately to make sure that as the one month mark approaches, and the two month mark, and so on since Scott's death that I need to be praying all the more. It's easy to remember to pray when the news hits you, but harder as the time moves on. So, those prayer warriors out there who read this, I beseech you, PRAY for Jennifer and those you know who have lost loved ones. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Where O Death is your victory?
Where O Death is your sting?
These verses bring hope for the child of God who has walked through death's doorway, and entered into the eternal presence of his creator, into the presence of his Savior because death is not the end, it is the beginning. It's the triumphal entrance into the heavenly throne room where the almighty God sits enthroned with JEsus Christ as His right hand...what an amazing realization that Scott has entered into this reality...he is abiding with his God.
It does take away the sting...somewhat. But I can't help but experience a little bit of a sting as I process this death and how it affects the friend I love so dearly. It does seem there is a bit of a sting for those who are left behind. Wife, children, parents, friends.
Many of you who read this might wonder what I'm talking about and many of you are experiencing it with me. 10 days ago my dear friend from Toccoa, Jennifer Robertson Mason, lost her husband in a tragic accident. The news has left many of us shocked, and at a loss of how to bring true comfort to Jennifer and the rest of the family during this time. It also has left many of us to reflect on how quickly life can change and that we are not promised tomorrow. But it also makes me marvel at how intense grief can be.
Let me reflect a bit.
Over the past several months in many ways I have felt some incredible feelings of grief as my dad's best friend, a man very dear to my heart, died in a tragic motorcycle accident. I saw how death affected my dad, my mom, and this man's wife, and how it affected me.It's horribly painful, and something we cannot control.
Other feelings of grief of having to start my life over in an unfamiliar place...losing a life that I loved and gaining a life I do not know and does not yet seem like mine.
Grief...it comes upon you like a tidal wave, with intense emotions that the human body can't control, and often times can't stand up against. it causes an ache that is haunting and often debilitating...but yet it is a stage in the healing process. and it is a place where God's compassion flows with strength and his comfort warms. His presence during those times is like nothing else...it nourishes, it cleanses, and it heals and it protects.
You see, God knows what it is to mourn. Jesus, away when he hears word of Lazarus' death, was full of grief. God the father, as He watched from above as His son was crucified, had to turn His face away, and allow it so that mankind would recieve redemption and reconciliation. He knows what i means to grieve, and i believe and have been praying for Jennifer in such a way that God would reach deep into the depths of her being and whisper words of love to her, and would satisfy her soul in the times of weariness ahead. The tidal wave of grief meets the strong tower of God's love. For nothing can separate us from the love of God. Death is, for those who belong to God through Jesus, the entrance into complete knowledge and experience of His love. Now Scott sees with unveiled sight, for he is in the presence of God, where He was always meant to be. Jennifer will see him again and the reunion will be beautiful.
Where O death is your victory?
Where O death is your sting?