Schönes Deutschland

Thanks to the wonderful and intelligent world of APPLE, I have been able to put together a video filled with photos of places I have visited during these last three months, and also just scenes from life here in Berlin. I hope that this helps you see a glimpse of my everyday here...Also Several weeks ago I got the opportunity to travel to Dresden to cheer on my team mate Don as he subjected himself to his very first full blown marathon. The whole team decided to make a weekend of it, to keep the camaraderie amongst us strong...plus it was a great opportunity to see other cities in East Germany and for me to gain more "cultural knowledge."

Also, because my brain seems to be working on overload with cultural adjustments and learning the language (I'm typing this while my brain seems to be speaking loudly "stop using me...I'm done.), my blog posts seem to be few and far between and are more photos than ramblings about my experiences here. I am hoping soon that my mind will remember how to speak creatively instead of grammatically-all that seems to be coming to my mind right now is "do I use 'zu' in this context or 'dass'? What endings go on the adjectives and in what situation do I conjugate the verbs and which situations do I not?" Not much creativity seems to be spilling out these days...so, hence I give you pictures. That way, you can use your imagination to create stories of your own. :D

Along the Streets of Berlin

In the first few weeks of Berlin I set aside my camera in order to withstand the urge to be "touristy." I didn't want to view Berlin in the eyes of a tourist, but I wanted to experience Berlin like any normal Berliner would...so, I set foot to figuring out the grocery stores that I liked (Kaufland, Rewe, Kaisers and yes indeed ALDI), getting myself a mobile phone, registering at the Rathaus (city hall) in the city of Berlin, setting up a bank account, figuring out the intricate Bahn-system (Public transportation), buying flowers to put on my new balcony, going to IKEA to buy things for the apartment, etc. etc. With all of that, plus starting language school, and trying to get on the right sleeping schedule there wasn't too much time in the first two weeks to be a tourist...and for that I am very glad. I've realized that there is a mentality that goes along with "tourist." To be a tourist is to be spectator-to remain on the outside of the culture gazing in; to not venture in deeply to experience the good and the not so good of the culture in which you find yourself. It's usually the glamourous places that the tourist wants to see, to snap a few shots, chalk it up to another place visited and a potential story to tell children or grandchildren when they ask what you've seen in life...but aren't the best stories the ones where you dig a bit further in than just "saying" you've seen a place. Don't the meaningful stories come from letting the smells, the tastes, the sounds, and the history, impact your senses? Too many times I've been guilty of living a "tourist" life.
Within the last week, I did get a chance to get out to "see the city." But as I went, I made an effort to think about the places I was going, to not just take the photo, but to consider the life that is lived or the life that can be had in each place. Berlin, and it's surrounding areas is a city given to History. So much has taken place here...let me introduce you to a few of those places.

Along Strelitzer Straße:

If you can see the posts sticking up out of the ground, you will see that this is where the Berlin Wall once stood-separating the East from the West-cutting many off from family and close friends. 

 And here is the actually remnants of the Berlin Wall that are still standing. 

It is said that no one had a clue that the separation was coming. One night everyone went to sleep and the next day, Barb wired fences were built cutting you off from the other side-no warning, no chance to say goodbye. 

 After the Barbed wire came the Wall...many were killed trying to cross the wall.

 Today it still stands...reminding people of what once was.

 This is my street-Strelitzer Straße. In the distance you see the TV tower-which was built by the communists while controlling East Berlin. The Russians wanted a visual reminder of how powerful they were-they wanted all of Berlin, not just the East side to see and to remember.

The place where my life is lived...welcome to my apartment. :)

 Here is my lovely balcony-Here I have had many moments of silence while sipping on my morning cup of Joe. 

 The view of the courtyard from my balcony-the place where many children play and people sit and talk.

My lovely roommate, Natalie and I.

Along the Brandenburg Gate:

 Years ago, this was the main entrance into the city-a thoroughfare, if you will, with a purpose. Now it is merely a memorial, a place for tourists. Again, seeing this makes me wonder what the days were like back when Berlin was divided.

 It is truly a powerful and magnificent structure!

Along the Holocaust Memorial:

 One starts off walking through these concrete slabs and they are ankle high...then they become knee high, then waist high-one is still able to see those others who are wandering around...but then the deeper you go, the less you can see the others around you...

 You find yourself alone, with the slabs now way over your head...walking through these aisles that seem to touch the "lonely" part of the human soul.

 This photo makes me think of all the feet that walked the pavements of the concentration camps, those who died without cause, without reason. It's sobering.

The artist gave no description of why he created this memorial the way he did...I guess maybe he wanted to leave room for what ideas and thoughts come to the individual mind as they journey through this memorial to what once was.

*There will be more pictures to come in the next few entries...

Sent out

Today is my last day in the US. My dad looked at me from across the dinner table tonight and asked "Summer, where did these last four months go?" It went too fast. I have enjoyed my time here so much, it's been so long since I've been "around" family. I was able to be here when my grandfather passed away, to say goodbye to him and grieve his passing; I was here to watch my nephew play baseball and hit home-runs, cheering him on from the stands; I was able to spend valuable time with my nieces, watching them in play using their vivid imaginations, wondering when they grew up...and now realizing that it will be several years until I get to hug them again. I have strengthened my friendship with my sisters and cherished the deep and meaningful talks we would have, and laugh and joke like we've never been apart. My sisters are my best friends, and I will feel the void of their presence as I have had it over the last few months. I've also spent valuable time with my parents, feeling their love for me so strongly and cherishing the time we've spent as a family. I am so blessed with the family i have...God has given me such an amazing gift of friends and family. But He has also shown me the treasure He has given me in the body of Christ-those in Texas, those in Ohio, and those all over the nation and internationally. I've had tears well up for me today, it comes and goes. I'm not sure how tomorrow morning will be. I may break down or I might hold it in...sometimes I just don't know how I will deal. But all I know is this is my path, this is the destiny laid out for my by the Lord...I trust His guidance and as He leads me (like in Psalm 23) so He will lead my family; protecting them and loving them and caring for them.
Here I am Lord, send me.

The gigantic elephant in the room

Even though each day moves on, making the tally one less day until my departure, it still doesn't feel real. Yesterday we had farewell party for me with my extended family, and yet it didn't feel any different than one of our normal get togethers. Today we had our family photos taken and again it didn't feel like this would be the last one we would have all together for 4 years. We're not really talking about it, although sometimes I catch a glimpse of my mom teary eyed and sniffling...I know she's thinking about it and I know that she feels that it's getting closer. I think we all feel that it's getting closer, but none of us is really wanting to talk about what this really means for us as a family. It's the gigantic elephant in the room.
Tonight though, a little crack in our tough exterior regarding this topic was made. I was sitting on the front porch of my sister's house just talking. She was asking me details about what more I needed to buy and what still needed to be done before I leave and then talking about our family photos that had been taken. I shared with her how good it made me feel that Mason (my 10 yr. old nephew) had wanted to make sure to get a picture taken with me. It was then that the crack came...she proceeded to tell me that Mason is taking my leaving harder than she thought he would. She went on to explain what she meant by that and it just about broke my heart to hear that this is difficult for him. But as I sit here and write this, it breaks my heart because I'm not going to be able to be here for him (or the others) like I have over the last four months. Mason will be 14 when I get back. Maxon will be 4. Callie and Izzy will be 8 or 9 and Sydney will be 10. I won't be able to have girls night at Aunt Summer's house where we paint our nails, play games and watch fun movies. So much of their lives I'm going to miss. I want to know them and for them to know me, and a fear is that they'll know who their aunt Summer is, but we won't really know each other. That thought kills me. And these are honest moments when a part of me wishes that God would have called me to something different, something that didn't take me away from my family. These honest moments won't keep me from going for there is a great part of my heart that is longing for this, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't have moments of feeling that I wanted to stay.
I am grateful that in today's world of int'l work I'm not hopping on a freight, with my stuff packed in my coffin, with the basic idea that I would never return home. I am grateful for things like skype, iPod facetime, email, video, etc. These things will make it easier to stay connected...but they will never replace living life side by side, being there in the flesh giving hugs........

These are the things that I'm thinking about at 1:42am...the things that I'm starting to feel.

Andrew Peterson - The Reckoning

I can see the storm descending on the hill tonight
Tall trees are bending to Your will tonight
Let the mighty bow down
At the thundering sound of Your voice

I can hear the howling wind and feel the rain tonight
Every drop a prophet in Your name tonight
Oh, and the song that they sing
It is washing me clean but

How long until this curtain is lifted?
How long is this the song that we sing?
How long until the reckoning?

And I know You hear the cries of every soul tonight
You see the teardrops as they roll tonight
Down the faces of the saints
Who grow weary and faint in Your fields

And the wicked roam the cities and the streets tonight
But when the God of love and thunder speaks tonight
Oh, I believe You will come
Your justice be done, but how long?

You are holiness and grace
You are fury and rest
You are anger and love
You curse and You bless
You are mighty and weak
You are silence and song
You are plain as the day
But you have hidden Your face--
For how long? How long?

And I am standing in the stillness of the reckoning
The storm is past and rest is beckoning
Mighty God, how I fear You
How I long to be near You, O Lord

How long until this burden is lifted?
How long is this the song that we sing?
How long until the reckoning?
And I know that I don't know what I'm asking
But I long to look You full in the face
I am ready for the reckoning

Tools in my language belt

Yesterday I finished my three week course on Language acquisition. It feels wonderful to have completed this, but also it feels great that I have some big time tools in my language belt now. Can I say long and complex sentences in German? haha...that's funny. No, I cannot, but I can comprehend much more than I thought, and remember words and phrases that I learned ages ago in high school German class. I've always been a simple girl, and so goes it with language-the things I know right now...super simple. But I'll survive, and hopefully not be too scarred by the amount of laughter and huge mess ups that will come my way once I get into Berlin. Oh! And...I almost forgot, I can gargle and hack my way through the "uvular r" that those Germans love to use. Let's just say I hope that the people I speak with wear a spit guard. :D
So, although I am far from mastering the phonetic sounds of languages all over the world, I can "glottal stop, and alveolar trill" with the best of them!

Now that this class is over, I find myself having the precious jewel of "time" returned to me. I can blog, write my updates, make calls to friends I neglected during my online course, spend time with people again, watch The Return of the King extended dvd with my dad (we're addicted to LOTR!) finish my shopping list, and start packing as I begin this final countdown of 2 weeks before departure. Only 15 days left in the great continental United States.

As Sure as the Dawn...

Ahh. I needed this tonight-a chance to sit on my back porch listening to silence of the night and reflecting on the day, and the weeks and the months that seem to have gone by without me even noticing. We have now surpassed the middle of July, which means my time in Ohio will be drawing to a close in less than a month...27 days to be exact. I've been thinking about what it means to say goodbye to family and friends and I even envision what the day of my departure will look like when I hug my parents and sisters and nieces and nephew before i board my plane and fly across the world...hello sob fest.
A few months ago while I was at General Council I got a chance to sit with a good friend of mine who has been living in Africa for the last four years-the first thing she said to me when we finally sat down to talk was "I'm not going to ask you if you are excited. How are you really doing with this?" Boy was I glad that she cut through all of the surface banter to the core of my soul. She remembered the emotions. She remembered the goodbyes, some of the hesitancies of moving to another country and the very real process of culture shock. Of course there is excitement that runs through my veins and on one level I am ready to get on that plane now and begin this life that I have spent the last however many years of my life anticipating...but if I play hop scotch and jump right over the very real emotions that exist right alongside of the excitement I am doing my heart and my soul and my family a disservice. This time is precious time when we can say the things we want to say to each other and never had the chance.
Would I rather sit in the boat of excitement than have to swim in the waters of these emotions that come with saying goodbye? Yes, vulnerability is scary but Jesus is out in that water-calling me to come to him.

When some have asked how I am doing and I admit that I have feelings of sadness, too often they want to move me out of it by saying..."But you are doing the work of the Lord, there is so much excitement that lies ahead." yes. There is. But the feelings of sadness are just as real and I don't want to glibbly pass over them-relationships will change-friendships that I've had for years will not be the same-great losses will be felt. while there are great adventures before me I must first bid adieu' or an "auf wiedersehen" to the adventures that I've had. It isn't always easy for a idealist person such as myself who is all about the sentiment of the times to say good-bye to what once was.

This blog is correctly labeled for this part of life's journey...there is a road that stretches on ahead of me; it draws me ever on into the great unknown with the horizon as my line of sight. I am thankful that as sure as the dawn is that comes over that horizon so is my Jesus as faithful as its rise.

So, if you interact with me and ask how I'm doing, don't be surprised if I'm honest with you about it. The first words that come out of my mouth very well may be that I'm excited, but deeper still inside of me is a river of emotions.

The every day ordinary

This is the second time I have come to my blog page and sat blankly thinking of something to write. How on earth do I not have anything to say? I think sometimes I wait for some sort of brilliant revelation that has come over me and I want to bless the world with it...and well no brilliant revelations as of lately have come upon me. Bummer. Ah alas, there is more to my existence than just my musings on the meaning of life-so I thought I would share with you just some of the "every day ordinary."

Monday was was Memorial day-90 degrees and humid. I thought I left that weather down in Texas. Anyway, I went over to my sister's house for a cook-out and a rousing tournament (all planned out by my 10 year old nephew) of Corn Hole. Yes, that's right folks, Corn Hole. While it may sound a little red neck, I will say that it is addicting and strikingly pulls out a competitive edge within me.
It was also an evening of watching little Callie play with the kitty...what a sight to watch her try and ride on its back! It didn't work out to the advantage of the kitty.

It is one of my favorite things to just sit and watch the youthfulness of these little ones. Mason has so much energy, spurting here and there, and excelling at everything he does. Callie loves to just experience life-she'll take advantage of the grassy hill at the baseball field in which she and her little friends say "ready. set. roll!" and roll down the hill, bumping into each other, and giggling because they are having so much fun. And here comes a thought just gleaned: I miss the days of carefree living. I miss not having anything to be concerned about except when I would see my friends next, when I'd go to the swimming pool, going to get an ice cream cone, etc. There is so much enjoyment in participating in life. It truly is inspirational to watch them-inspires me to let go of the worries that I wear on my shoulders and enjoy the goodness of life that was meant to be enjoyed.

So, as I was sitting and contemplating this while watching the kids run around, I decided that I would do something that I always loved to do...climb trees. I still got it! I gripped a hold of that tree branch, walked my feet up the trunk and flung my legs over the branch to hoist myself up. I hope that when I'm 60 I can still do this. :)
As my friend Stef and I declared during one of our roadtrips from Ohio to Wheaton a few years ago-----E TO THE J BABY...E TO THE J. (Enjoy the journey.) A little more hip and trendy than sticking to the old fashioned saying of stop and smell the roses. :)

Sooooo....E TO THE J! Enjoy your journey!

"Guten morgen meine schöne frau" is the greeting that awaits me every morning during my stay here in El Paso. The phrase means "good morning my beautiful woman." I absolutely love this. My host's Deutsch Akzent is adorable, and I love when she mixes her German with her English...what would that be called "Germish?" "Gereng?" "Manlish?" (shrug).

Anyway, it just really excites me about when I get to start learning the language. I really have a feeling that when I am around it 24/7 in Berlin that my previous knowledge of the language will come swiftly to return to the surface of my brain. I already understand a lot. But more than her accent, I love her heart for God. We've had some incredible, and I mean incredibly conversations over the breakfast table (they usually last several hours).

Well I have been out in West Texas for a good while now and I am so sad to say that I have not seen a tumbleweed "tumble" across the roads yet! I have however seen the tumbleweeds stationary in the ground just waiting for the wind to blow strong enough to uproot it and carry it away. I think that I definitely would want to be classified as a person who is like an Oak planted by streams of water, instead of a Tumbleweed uprooted by the wind. :)

Over the past few days I have spoken at three different journey groups here in the New Vision fellowship. The people here are SUPER! It really is unbelievable how quickly God has grown this church plant in just 2 1/2 years. They went from 8 people to, on their best day, 117! In just 2 1/2 years! Wow! The team of prayer warriors for Germany is growing and I'm getting excited. :) Just had an amazing revelation tonight of the powerhouse that Germany could be if they would respond to the stirring of the Holy Spirit and if waves of them would give their lives over to Jesus..."Every town...every city"
Tomorrow night I get to kick back and have a little fun with the youth as we sway to the music of Mercy Me, Jars of Clay and the Afters.

Okay, I just had the biggest yawn ever so I think it's time for me to say goodnight...Gute Nacht und süße Träume. 


Tschus!

And....I'm back!
Right now I am currently in Midland Texas, the second to last stop on my trek. I just came from Lubbock and Next tuesday I fly to El Paso for my final week on tour. I can't believe that I'm passed the halfway point already. In some ways I do feel tired-there have been a lot of new environments to process, new cultures to interact with, speaking to different groups of people, but it's not like what I was expecting. I was expecting to reach this point and be ready to get home. And while I do look forward to getting back to Longview and not living out of suitcase, I also am really enjoying myself quite a bit! One of my favorite places was, surprisingly, in McAllen-the border town that I was originally concerned to drive to. But I think what made my time there so great was that for those few days I had a "ministry" partner. A woman I met at my very first church on tour traveled down with me, and I thank God how he worked that out. When I first met Connie, I felt a kindredness to her and I was sad that my time with her was so short. And then when the Lord opened the door for me to have someone travel down to the border with  me, I jumped at the opportunity. It also showed me that, though I can do go on tour alone, I prefer to be in partnership with someone. There is a reason why Paul had someone with him when he went out on his missionary journeys. I just enjoy it better with someone else.
The second great thing about this trip was the people we stayed with. This couple isn't originally from the CMA background, so it was fun to hear about how God lead them to start a church in the Alliance, and I'm thrilled to see what God has in store for them as they begin their new journey. And I felt a kindredness to them as well; as if we've known each other for along time. They were so gracious, AND Lowell was a coffee connoisseur! :) Waking up to the delightful smell of premium fresh ground coffee was AMAZING!  Now, Beth didn't like coffee as much, but I didn't hold that against her! :) lol. And actually we did a lot of LOL. I haven't laughed that hard or that much in a long time. I think I burned most of my daily calories by laughing! Thank you Jesus for those moments.
I am having some issues uploading some of my photos on this blog, so I will try to upload them to an album in Facebook so ya'll can see the sights I've been able to see. :)

Until we meet again...

Something new and unique in every city...

It is 12:21am, just wrapping up an evening full of storytelling and sharing about ministry with my host family back here in San Antonio. As many of you know, I'm a night owl, but tonight especially I am just exhilarated by the quality of the time spent with people tonight. 

Tonight was a special night. I praise God for unexpected blessings. I got a chance to connect with another Pastor from this area (not with the CMA) and his son through the people I am staying with. We arrived at this pastor's church and the six of us spent some time in worship together through song, praying the Psalms, sharing together some of the burdens on our hearts and then going before the Father  to intercede for one another. I also was able to share from my heart the things God has been revealing to me over the last 2+ years of ministry, and how he has again confirmed His calling to have the "beautiful feet that brings the good news." It's these times that I've specifically asked people to pray for; to have the opportunity to connect on this level tonight was God's direct answer to those who have been praying for this. THANK YOU FOR PRAYING!!!!

Tomorrow I head down to the valley...McAllen, Texas. I'm sure many you have heard about the recent tumultuous events that have been taking place down in Mexico near the border of Texas, but I want you to rest in assurance that God is with me as I go and has spoken his protection over me. He instills HIS peace and reminded me that He is going with me. He gave me a verse through Ruth Hess from Genesis 46. God is speaking to Jacob and telling him not to be afraid to go down to Egypt..."I will go down with you to Egypt and will surely bring you up again..." What a huge encouragement that my Father in heaven, knew my heart and spoke directly to it to calm any nervousness I had about it. He also then used other people to speak faith and trust into the situation...and before I knew it, any fears I had (of the worst possible scenario that could happen) were eliminated. So, I tell you this not to release you from praying safety over me but that God has granted me courage and faith and an anticipation of what ministry awaits me there. 

Priceless gifts

Last Saturday evening I was handed off to the people in Uvalde, Tx. First off, and no offense meant to East Texas, I felt for the first time like I was stepping into the "Texas" that one would see in the movies...the "Texas" that most people think of when they think of this great big state. It was fascinating! I was told many many stories of the important "cowboys" that lived in Ulvade and I found out, that the Vice President (whose name I cannot remember at this late hour) serving with Theodore Roosevelt came from Uvalde!
But something even more amazing was the chance I got to spend some time with a true warrior of prayer. Her name is Ruth Hess. The story of her life is one of ultimate obedience to the Lord (although she would argue with me that she wasn't always obedient) and her dedication to the fellowship of believers there. For years, she has lived in Uvalde because God had called her to be the prayer warrior for this city and for this church. She would be considered a modern day Anna in my opinion. Called to the temple of the Most High to pray night and day for the coming of the Messiah. Ruth goes to the throne room of God to pray for the coming of Jesus in power to this city and this church. This is her calling...to prayer. It isn't a glamorous work...in fact I believe it's one of the hardest callings anyone can receive from the Lord. It takes intense labor to intercede for people, extra measures of faith and perseverance, because often the answers take years to show themselves. I learned what it means to be steadfast and firm in the Lord by watching this woman this week.

Sunday night was a pretty fabulous night. I got the chance to speak to an amazing and gracious group of people from Ethiopia. I felt honored to be a part of their time of worship in their native language, and to then share my heart for the Lord and for His calling on my life. There was a great ease in communication that night, and I loved how God brought things to mind right as I was speaking that I hadn't planned on sharing. I was thrilled to get a chance to talk with a few of the women afterwards, and one in particular I'm asking God to remind me to pray for as she tries to communicate with her roommate the truth of Jesus Christ. I can't say enough what a truly beautiful group of people they are. Praise God for his creativity and diversity.
Here are a few pictures from the gathering that night. We were invited to stay to celebrate the birthday of this cute little girl.

These last two days have been refreshing as well. I feel like I've been renewed with strength...I was definitely sensing a lack of it at the beginning of the week and even feeling a heaviness that didn't break until today. I knew I would face opposition, and I have; and some in ways I didn't expect. But praise God, I feel that whatever burden was there has been lifted! In the midst of all this, God is continuing to refine me and reveal to me areas that need to be shaved off-fashioning this "key" into the exact likeness of the "Master Key."
This photo is a picture of a gift that was given to me by a couple from the church in Pleasonton. I had shared with them about the "Keys of the Kingdom" theme that God had been speaking to in my life, and a woman, Kathy made this necklace for me and gave it to me the next day ! What a priceless gift the Lord prompted this woman to give.

Being enculturated

I finally got a chance last Saturday to tour the city of San Antonio! I found that I really really like this city. There is an energy to it, lots of excitement and people...and the River Walk is such a unique part of the city. I think Longview needs to invest in one...hmmm well first Longview would need a River...well they dig lakes, why not rivers, eh? :) 

It was a short tour, but I got to see the highlights: The Alamo, the River Walk, a yummy plate of Quesadillas, a chance to feed tortillas to a duck and cheese to a pigeon, and a quick tour through the San Jose Mission. And to make this blog complete, I thought I'd add the pictures to prove that I was there! 

On Tuesday I got to go driving in the Hill Country, just north of Uvalde. I had no idea there were these massive rolling hills. Apparently Texas does have it all! My excellent hosts for my time in Uvalde, Pastor Butch Derosier and Ruth Hess gave me a great tour of the area...including a "drive through" Del Frio!

The Jeffrey family-my awesome hosts!

The Alamo

Apparently this is a chandelier...looks like a gigantic tear drop to me. All glass.

Rob and Joy Jeffrey-my hosts

The River Walk-sitting at a cafe along the River

San Jose Mission

Interesting how when God gives you a theme "Keys to the Kingdom", He tends to give small little gifts of encouragement, such as this: the last etchings that remain on the structure are in the shape of a key.

Gathering Hall in the San Jose Mission

San Jose Mission

My dear friends, Ruth and Butch

The road that goes "through" Del Frio

The beautiful Del Frio-the water is crystal clear and yes, this is the original color...no photoshop done here.

Summer in the Del Frio

There are hills in Texas!

Remembering

Texas Trek: Day Three
I have really enjoyed my time here with the believers here in Pleasanton. The church is small, as it is a redevelopment church, but they have had a lot happen to them and are in the midst of healing...but it is a strong group of people who want to see God do great things with them. there is an excitement stirring within them and I feel priviledged and blessed to share this time with them.
This afternoon I was also able to visit with some folks who live in a local assisted living home and met some pretty neat people. The Lord provided a guitar for me (which was something I was praying about!!!) and I did a mix of music with my talk on Germany. Sometimes it's just the little things you do that make the biggest difference. I could see the appreciation in their eyes. Here are the amazing people who have lived full lives and who have incredible stories-they've traveled all over the world and want to share their experiences...I'm just a small pup in comparison to them, these are the jewels...the saints who have gone before and who are still living and fighting to win this race that they've set out to run for Christ. It's beautiful. Truly.

This evening I was able to sit down and partake in a wonderful German meal that the church had prepared and then had my second opportunity to share in a service...and there was definitely emotion that came up out of nowhere...I think what is happening is that the more I remember the time when God called me into missions and my life was drastically changed and renewed, the more those emotions become real again. It's been awhile since I've been able to devote so much time to looking at what is ahead...and remembering where I came from. But more importantly, what I truly want is for each person I meet to want to go deeper into God, get a glimpse of his heart for the nations.

Texas Trek: Days One & Two

Day one: 
Okay, so let's just say, I don't think that Satan likes what I'm doing and is sending his little cohorts to find ways to disrupt my tour. Tuesday, for starters, the copier went bizerk (sp?) on the day that I needed to get all my stuff printed out-it wouldn't print anything. Then just as I was about to close up shop at the office the electricity went blew out-when it blows out at the office I know that it also blows out at my house...which means I couldn't get any packing done or do last minute preps for leaving (thanks Becky for taking pity on me and letting me hang at your house. :) ) I Had a whirlwind of a day the next day, but was in very high spirits even though I didn't get anything done the night before.
Then last night the "Road Ahead" on my Texas Trek was a tad on the slippery side. Everything was just fine all the way up until I got into the Dallas city limits, then BAM! sheets of ice covering the roads. And everyone around me was doing the "driving in ice no-no": applying the breaks!!!!! It was the other cars that were making me nervous, and the huge semi's zooming by at 60 mph. I did see what the ice did to one vehicle on the side of the road-front end crushed...I thanked Jesus over and over and over for sending angels to sit on my car...I'm totally serious...I prayed that God would send angels to SIT on my car. :) I have never driven in ice like this before, I was a bit nervous-yes even as a northerner who is used to driving in these conditions.
Ahhh, but I arrived safe and sound and in one piece.

Reatha and I decided that we should check me into my flight and print off my boarding pass (easy right?...)...well, her printer decided not to work either and I think she literally went through 25 pages just trying to print off my boarding pass until finally it worked (half an hour later)
I'm starting to see a pattern by this time, but wait, there is more....

Day Two: 
The day starts out great...I awaken to Baron my favorite dog in the whole world ready to say hello with slobbery kisses(so cute!), had a good nights rest, great breakfast, and the excitement was building for my first night on tour.
I get to the airport in plenty of time, no problems checking my luggage or going through security-all is continuing to go well. Then it starts....buzz buzz buzz, my text alert goes off. "The gate for Flight 620 to San ANtonio has changed and is now departing from gate C6. I get to gate C6 and I wait for about a half an hour...then the woman holding the mic says there will be a 15 minute delay due to mechanical issues with the plane...15 minutes later more delays....15 min later more delays...15 minutes later "Flight 620 to San Antonio will now be departing from gate C35at 3:15 (an hour later than was scheduled)...so I hop on the little tram and get to gate C35...at 3:15 when we are supposed to be departing they delay us another 45 minutes because the new plane has to arrive from the hanger and they have to clean it.
All around me people are on their phones, frustrated by this delay, especially the guy next to me who was explaining rather loudly about his delays and that he was on day two of not changing his "underclothes."
TMI my friend...TMI!!!!!!
So, the final time they give is 4:00, which means a 5:30-5:45 arrival time, which means I would be late and wouldn't make it for the first night's session. By this time I had already been in communication with Pastor Rob about my delays, and he told me that when they were on their way to come get me a woman from their church called and said her car broke down on the road (the weather is 20 degrees in San Antonio), so they needed to go back and help her before they could come get me, so it actually worked out quite well in that case that my flight was delayed.
And after all of this, Pastor Rob decided to cancel the evening because of my delays and because the weather was supposed to be snowy and sleeting here in San ANtonio.

As I sit and take account of all of this, all I can say is "wow, what a start." There has been a lot thrown at me to keep me from starting this tour...or to discourage me in the process...but neither one of those has been the outcome. I made it to San Antonio, had a great night of just one on one time with the Pastor and his wife and I'm incredibly encouraged by my interaction so far...ready to go and share my story with those who are in an assisted Living home.  "THANK YOU" to all of you who are lifting me up in prayer-God is already answering-I know Satan would love for all of this to discourage me, but none of it has-in fact I anticipate even more what ministry God will open up for me here.I think your prayers have definitely kept the enemy at arms length-so please keep on pressing into the Lord on my behalf. I also am praying blessings and favor upon all of you who are traveling through this with me.

What will Day three bring? We shall soon see....until tomorrow.

Summer, signing off.

Day 2: I am not an accident.

  

Well, hmmm....so far I'm not measuring up to my commitment to write every day...I'm doing horribly actually! (My weakness has been exposed...)
And yet, I have not given up. I have come back.


To Be known:
Several years ago, I was in a relationship with a man who believed that I was the woman he wanted to marry. When I would ask him how he knew, he would start mentioning his "list" of characteristics he wanted ina  wife and said that I "fit" all of them. Now, on the surface that sounds nice and great and all of that, but on a deeper level I realized  something. I didn't want to be a "list" of ideals to someone, I wanted to be known, truly known  as "me" and not to just fulfill a "quota" of characteristics. Over time I came to truly understand, by God's grace, that he didn't truly love me, or know me...he just had an idea of me. (Going in to how I know is a completely different story for another time perhaps.)

But that is NOT how it is with God. He doesn't just have an idea about who I am...What helped me walk through the ending of this relationship was the truth that even if this man didn't know me, I was already fully and completely known. In fact, before the creation of the world I was known. Before I was even born I was full known....what?! Really?! How is that possible? I need to let that strange truth soak in for a minute.

Now I'm not saying that I'm not created to be known by other human beings or that it isn't right, good and possible for this knowledge to occur between friends, family, husbands/wives, etc. but it will never match the depth of God's knowledge of me. There is no one else in this world who will ever know me as deeply and completely as my Creator God.

So, the wonderful truth is that my deepest desire to be fully known and fully loved has already been realized. So, if God doesn't plan for me to be married, I do not have to be deceived in thinking that because I'm not married I will never be known deeply. Chapter 2 in the Purpose Driven Life has really opened up this truth for me to reconsider, and as I reflected on this chapter about being created by God for a purpose, His knowledge of me really stuck out. So, I decided to take tour through Scripture to find out just what God has to say about this...
Here is what I've found:

The Lord spoke to Moses, "I will also do this thing for which you have spoken; for you have found favor in my sight and I have known you by name." ~Exodus 33:17

"For the Lord your God has blessed you in all that you have done; He has known your wanderings through this great wilderness, these 40 years the Lord your God has been with you; you have not lacked a thing." ~Deuteronomy 2:7

"...hear from heaven, your dwelling place, and forgive and act and render to each according to all his ways, whose hearts You know, for  you alone know the hearts of all the sons (and daughters) of men; that they may fear you all the days that they have lived in the land..."~ 1 Kings 8:39-40

This is what the Lord God of Israel says..."But I know you well-where you stay and when you come and go. I know the way you have raged against me..." ~2 Kings 19:27

"What more can I say to you about the way you have honored me? You know what your servant is really like..." ~1 Chronicles 17:18

"But He knows the way I take; when He has tried me I shall come forth as gold." ~ Job 23:10

"I will rejoice and be glad in your loving kindness, because you have seen my affliction, you have known the troubles of my soul" ~ Psalm 31:7

"If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread our hands in prayer to foreign gods, God would surely have known it, for he knows the secrets of every heart." ~Psalm 44:20-21

"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord" ~Psalm 139:1-4

"You made all the delicate, innter parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb...you watched me as I was being made in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me  before I was born...every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." ~Psalm 139:13-16

"Search me O God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts..." ~Psalm 139: 24

"But now O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel the one who formed you says...do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you, I have called you by name, you are mine!" ~ Isaiah 43:1-2

"Everyone who is called by My name, and whom I have created for My glory, whom I have formed, even whom I have made." ~Isaiah 43:7

"Listen to me, descendants of Jacob, all you who remain in Israel. I have cared for you since you were born. 

yes, I carried you before you were born. I will be your God throughout your lifetime-until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you." ~Isaiah 46:3-4

"Even before He made the world God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into hi own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ...Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to His plan." ~Ephesians 1:4-5;11

"He chose to give birth to us by giving us His true word. And we, out of all creation, became His prized possession." ~James 1:18

Purpose Driven Life Blog Entry #1: Going beyond the "Yes Yes I know"

Well folks, I started writing this first blog on January 12th, but here it is, 12:11am. So much for the first entry of the "Journey of Purpose" coming in on the 12th. Looks like there will be 2 Jan 13th entries.

Anyway, here are the inklings that have come from my first day of my 40 day journey in seeking God's "ultimate" purpose in my life as I read "The Purpose Driven Life."

Here is what I found:
It's not about me. ah!Shocking.

I can't find my purpose by looking at myself. Think of a painting hanging in an art gallery. One thing that I depend on when I go to view art is that little white sheet of paper pinned up on the wall next to it giving the painters name, the medium it was painted in and the description of the "story" behind the piece of art. The painting itself could be beautiful, have amazing detail and just the right amount of shading and contrast and I could possibly get somewhat of an understanding (more like a guess) of it's meaning and purpose just by looking at it.
But if I wanted to complete purpose of the painting, I'd ask the painter. Let me give you an example of this analogy:
Last friday night I went to small church in Kilgore where they were displaying some artwork and having live acoustic music. The first thing I did as I entered was go and study the artwork. The paintings themselves were beautiful and I could tell they had purpose to it, but it wasn't until I read the description from the painter that I knew what the purpose was and the story behind it. The last painting I came to was a very well done, but very intriguing and mysterious piece. No matter how much I looked at it and tried to figure out it's meaning, I couldn't make sense of it, even with the title and the short description it gave. So, I decided to go ask the painter himself. He gladly shared the story that inspired the painting and immediately the meaning and purpose became clear.

I am like that painting. My life can display somewhat of my purpose-but it isn't the whole story. There is a story behind why I've been "painted." There is a reason why the painter used the light/dark contrast here, specific and fine detailing there. But to know why I was painted that I am, I have to go to the one who painted me.

Here is one more thing-according the Psalm 139 God saw me before I was born and had all my days numbered-every moment was laid out before a single day was passed. If all of my life was laid out before I was even born, that means that I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. It wasn't me who thought up the purpose for my life or who governs it.

Here is where it hits home...during my days I find myself saying (and striving for)"I have to be successful at this, this, this and this...if I show myself to be successful in these things that I've filled my life with, and all my t's are crossed and i's dotted then I'm fulfilling my purpose." ah ha. Wrong.
Being successful does not equal fulfilling my purpose. I could be successful in all those things that I filled my life with, but be so far away from the original purpose God "painted" me for.

It's time to start pursuing God and getting His side of the story.

Ticket to 2011

On New Year's night, the final day of celebration for what 2010 was and anticipation of what 2011 will bring I sat with sister Amber, brother-in-law Matt, best friend Mel and her husband Jose playing Ticket to Ride, my new favorite game (Which just so happens to be a German made game-I think the Germans and I will get along well).

After all the smash talking of who would win and trying to out do each other and then finally congratulating the winner (which I just can't seem to remember who won-I had the longest train, but apparently that doesn't mean I won. :( ), we decided to spend some time talking about what we hoped for in 2011. We went around the table, and everyone seemed to have these intense and deep hopes and prayers for what God would do in them and who they wanted to be...and I sat there with nothing to say. It isn't that I don't have hopes or that I don't want God to do a great work in me, but I just hadn't sat still long enough or with purpose to really think about it. What do I hope for in this new year?
After realizing how ridiculous it is that I hadn't given the time to think about this, and that I've taken on the "passive" action in living life, I've decided that isn't good enough for me.


So, I am stepping out and making a decision, and that decision is that I am going to read the Purpose Driven Life...a book that I have not ever read. (I'm a person who rebels against what is the "rave" of the times...which is why I didn't read this book when it was "all the rave" in Christian circles).
I want to take this month and devote it to prayer about what God has for me this year and blog every day about what God reveals. Now considering my track record of blog entries and their consistency, I have to say that this will be difficult for me, but a good first step.

And, due to the fact that our God has a GREAT sense of humor, I imagine that many of my entries will involve awkward and ridiculous things that hopefully will make you laugh...it also might involve some hard things that will be hard to be honest about, but hopefully will inspire all of you to take a deep look at your lives as well. Who knows what is ahead, all I know is that this promises to be a great ride.

My first entry then will be tomorrow, January 12th.
See you all then!