As Sure as the Dawn...

Ahh. I needed this tonight-a chance to sit on my back porch listening to silence of the night and reflecting on the day, and the weeks and the months that seem to have gone by without me even noticing. We have now surpassed the middle of July, which means my time in Ohio will be drawing to a close in less than a month...27 days to be exact. I've been thinking about what it means to say goodbye to family and friends and I even envision what the day of my departure will look like when I hug my parents and sisters and nieces and nephew before i board my plane and fly across the world...hello sob fest.
A few months ago while I was at General Council I got a chance to sit with a good friend of mine who has been living in Africa for the last four years-the first thing she said to me when we finally sat down to talk was "I'm not going to ask you if you are excited. How are you really doing with this?" Boy was I glad that she cut through all of the surface banter to the core of my soul. She remembered the emotions. She remembered the goodbyes, some of the hesitancies of moving to another country and the very real process of culture shock. Of course there is excitement that runs through my veins and on one level I am ready to get on that plane now and begin this life that I have spent the last however many years of my life anticipating...but if I play hop scotch and jump right over the very real emotions that exist right alongside of the excitement I am doing my heart and my soul and my family a disservice. This time is precious time when we can say the things we want to say to each other and never had the chance.
Would I rather sit in the boat of excitement than have to swim in the waters of these emotions that come with saying goodbye? Yes, vulnerability is scary but Jesus is out in that water-calling me to come to him.

When some have asked how I am doing and I admit that I have feelings of sadness, too often they want to move me out of it by saying..."But you are doing the work of the Lord, there is so much excitement that lies ahead." yes. There is. But the feelings of sadness are just as real and I don't want to glibbly pass over them-relationships will change-friendships that I've had for years will not be the same-great losses will be felt. while there are great adventures before me I must first bid adieu' or an "auf wiedersehen" to the adventures that I've had. It isn't always easy for a idealist person such as myself who is all about the sentiment of the times to say good-bye to what once was.

This blog is correctly labeled for this part of life's journey...there is a road that stretches on ahead of me; it draws me ever on into the great unknown with the horizon as my line of sight. I am thankful that as sure as the dawn is that comes over that horizon so is my Jesus as faithful as its rise.

So, if you interact with me and ask how I'm doing, don't be surprised if I'm honest with you about it. The first words that come out of my mouth very well may be that I'm excited, but deeper still inside of me is a river of emotions.