Andrew Peterson - The Reckoning

I can see the storm descending on the hill tonight
Tall trees are bending to Your will tonight
Let the mighty bow down
At the thundering sound of Your voice

I can hear the howling wind and feel the rain tonight
Every drop a prophet in Your name tonight
Oh, and the song that they sing
It is washing me clean but

How long until this curtain is lifted?
How long is this the song that we sing?
How long until the reckoning?

And I know You hear the cries of every soul tonight
You see the teardrops as they roll tonight
Down the faces of the saints
Who grow weary and faint in Your fields

And the wicked roam the cities and the streets tonight
But when the God of love and thunder speaks tonight
Oh, I believe You will come
Your justice be done, but how long?

You are holiness and grace
You are fury and rest
You are anger and love
You curse and You bless
You are mighty and weak
You are silence and song
You are plain as the day
But you have hidden Your face--
For how long? How long?

And I am standing in the stillness of the reckoning
The storm is past and rest is beckoning
Mighty God, how I fear You
How I long to be near You, O Lord

How long until this burden is lifted?
How long is this the song that we sing?
How long until the reckoning?
And I know that I don't know what I'm asking
But I long to look You full in the face
I am ready for the reckoning

Tools in my language belt

Yesterday I finished my three week course on Language acquisition. It feels wonderful to have completed this, but also it feels great that I have some big time tools in my language belt now. Can I say long and complex sentences in German? haha...that's funny. No, I cannot, but I can comprehend much more than I thought, and remember words and phrases that I learned ages ago in high school German class. I've always been a simple girl, and so goes it with language-the things I know right now...super simple. But I'll survive, and hopefully not be too scarred by the amount of laughter and huge mess ups that will come my way once I get into Berlin. Oh! And...I almost forgot, I can gargle and hack my way through the "uvular r" that those Germans love to use. Let's just say I hope that the people I speak with wear a spit guard. :D
So, although I am far from mastering the phonetic sounds of languages all over the world, I can "glottal stop, and alveolar trill" with the best of them!

Now that this class is over, I find myself having the precious jewel of "time" returned to me. I can blog, write my updates, make calls to friends I neglected during my online course, spend time with people again, watch The Return of the King extended dvd with my dad (we're addicted to LOTR!) finish my shopping list, and start packing as I begin this final countdown of 2 weeks before departure. Only 15 days left in the great continental United States.

As Sure as the Dawn...

Ahh. I needed this tonight-a chance to sit on my back porch listening to silence of the night and reflecting on the day, and the weeks and the months that seem to have gone by without me even noticing. We have now surpassed the middle of July, which means my time in Ohio will be drawing to a close in less than a month...27 days to be exact. I've been thinking about what it means to say goodbye to family and friends and I even envision what the day of my departure will look like when I hug my parents and sisters and nieces and nephew before i board my plane and fly across the world...hello sob fest.
A few months ago while I was at General Council I got a chance to sit with a good friend of mine who has been living in Africa for the last four years-the first thing she said to me when we finally sat down to talk was "I'm not going to ask you if you are excited. How are you really doing with this?" Boy was I glad that she cut through all of the surface banter to the core of my soul. She remembered the emotions. She remembered the goodbyes, some of the hesitancies of moving to another country and the very real process of culture shock. Of course there is excitement that runs through my veins and on one level I am ready to get on that plane now and begin this life that I have spent the last however many years of my life anticipating...but if I play hop scotch and jump right over the very real emotions that exist right alongside of the excitement I am doing my heart and my soul and my family a disservice. This time is precious time when we can say the things we want to say to each other and never had the chance.
Would I rather sit in the boat of excitement than have to swim in the waters of these emotions that come with saying goodbye? Yes, vulnerability is scary but Jesus is out in that water-calling me to come to him.

When some have asked how I am doing and I admit that I have feelings of sadness, too often they want to move me out of it by saying..."But you are doing the work of the Lord, there is so much excitement that lies ahead." yes. There is. But the feelings of sadness are just as real and I don't want to glibbly pass over them-relationships will change-friendships that I've had for years will not be the same-great losses will be felt. while there are great adventures before me I must first bid adieu' or an "auf wiedersehen" to the adventures that I've had. It isn't always easy for a idealist person such as myself who is all about the sentiment of the times to say good-bye to what once was.

This blog is correctly labeled for this part of life's journey...there is a road that stretches on ahead of me; it draws me ever on into the great unknown with the horizon as my line of sight. I am thankful that as sure as the dawn is that comes over that horizon so is my Jesus as faithful as its rise.

So, if you interact with me and ask how I'm doing, don't be surprised if I'm honest with you about it. The first words that come out of my mouth very well may be that I'm excited, but deeper still inside of me is a river of emotions.