Candid images: pictures of everyday thoughts

Hope Haven-it's a hiding place of sorts. Women arrive defeated on the doorsteps of this haven. They are women, worn by the depravity of this world, who have said yes one too many times to it's pleasures only to be caught in a snare that wounds them even more. They are overwhelmed and oppressed by the choices they make, enslaved by their consequences. They look exhausted. They look heavy, and weary, hardened like stone. Here a paradigm begins to shift. Some grasp a hold of the shift and feast on it, others run from it, incapable of letting such change take root in them.

I've been given the amazing opportunity to catch a glimpse of the joy that is being cultivated into the heart and life of one of the women in this haven. And my interaction with her left the phrase of King David to resonate in my heart: "Restore to me the joy of thy Salvation!!!!" How many of us still feel that excitement of salvation? The thrill of being rescued from the dominion of darkness and being brought into his marvelous light? She is hungry. She is thirsty for more of the Lord, even though most of the time Scripture is over her head....she doesn't toss it aside and say forget this nonsense, but she strives to make sense of it, she seeks out people who will help her understand. She gives testimony to the Lord about how He met her need very practically, And in our bible studies her eyes fill with tears because the Lord just revealed His will to her through something that was said or read. But most of all, the joy just radiates from her. She has hope again. God has been her shield, the lifter of her head. It's written all over her face. Salvation had come to her and she clings to it.
I am reading the book "The pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer and the first chapter of the book is titled "Following hard after God." And it seems that this woman who has had everything stripped away from her, including her children, has made room in her life for God, and not only has she accepted him but she is following hard, striving, after God. It's not a ginger walk through the park, but an uphill climb on jagged rock cliffs. A.W. also talks about this idea of God revealing himself to "little children" and keep his way hidden from the wise. This woman is a little child in her faith, and she seems to be hearing from the Lord in ways that I want to be hearing from him and can't. Have I somehow given myself permission to slack off in my pursuit of God because of my 20 plus years as a christian and participating in church? Because of my bachelor's and master's degree at a bible and theology school? Have I unknowingly replaced a simple child like faith that would enable me to see the revelations of Christ with a wisdom that lacks any passion or revelation? And ultimately lacks the faith necessary for these revelations? How does one grow up in faith, yet still keep the childlikeness that opens the way for the revelation of Christ? How do we keep ourselves from becoming like the pharisees? Becoming wise in the ways of God, but yet completely miss that God is standing in our midst? God forbid that this would happen to any of us! Questions I find myself asking: Do I long for God like I long for water? Do I long for God like I long to be satisfied in my job or in ministry? Do I long for God like I long for that morning cup o' joe? Do I long for him more than I long to have a husband? And if the answer is no...when did my longing cease? Why has it ceased? And what are the implications of a ceased longing?

I will end these provocations with something from this chapter by A.W. Tozer:

"I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality of our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of our spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He wants to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain."

well...I did something a bit risky, about a month ago. I went dark. I decided one evening, that I wanted to be able to control something in my life and needed a change (and hair often is the easiest thing to change) so I went to the store and purchased dark brown hair dye and if you look to the right, you'll see the outcome. It makes me feel a bit more mysterious! Not so predictable or ordinary. Just thought I would share this wonderful information with you all. :) Now you can all sleep better at night.