The Road Ahead

New Experiences

2012-02-04T18:21:00.000-06:00

Pictures from my trip to Wernigeroda Germany in December. A good look at a typical German town-completely different from Berlin.

Change personified.

2012-01-24T11:19:00.000-06:00

For years, "Change" and I have been good friends. We've journeyed the road of life together, anticipated the adventure that was just over the horizon. In the beginning, "Change" was exciting and I couldn't wait to start a new adventure with her. She'd arrive and say excitedly, "Come on, we have so much more to discover together, experiences to have that will make you a better person." I loved it when she came knocking. But over the last few years as "Change" and I have traveled these winding roads, I realized they became more slippery, rocky, uncertain and required 'more of me'. To her credit though, when we came to the end of each journey I felt as if my perspective of the world, and of myself was deeper, more meaningful, more complete. I would emerge feeling stronger and more steady. However, I don't forget the times when I felt lost, fearful, uncertain about where she was leading, and not confident that I could actually make it. At times it seemed too hard, even though in the end I was shown triumph and victory.

I can't escape that "Change" is persistently knocking on the door of my life. I know it's there, and so many times I've walked toward to door, reaching for the knob to let it in, but then my mind starts imagining how it will invade every part of my life, and my hand stops mid-air; then retreats. I stand on one side of the door, "Change" on the other, waiting to be let in. It's ironic really, how I anticipate the arrival of "Change," but then reluctant to release myself.

How often this is the case also when Jesus beckons us to come to him to find life, to walk the many roads with Him. We long for it, but then often we are reluctant to release ourselves to him, even when we know that on the other end is life and fulfillment. We hold on to the old wineskins, resisting that which is new because it is unknown; and that...makes us uncomfortable.

Schönes Deutschland

2011-11-21T15:12:00.001-06:00

Thanks to the wonderful and intelligent world of APPLE, I have been able to put together a video filled with photos of places I have visited during these last three months, and also just scenes from life here in Berlin. I hope that this helps you see a glimpse of my everyday here...Also Several weeks ago I got the opportunity to travel to Dresden to cheer on my team mate Don as he subjected himself to his very first full blown marathon. The whole team decided to make a weekend of it, to keep the camaraderie amongst us strong...plus it was a great opportunity to see other cities in East Germany and for me to gain more "cultural knowledge."

Also, because my brain seems to be working on overload with cultural adjustments and learning the language (I'm typing this while my brain seems to be speaking loudly "stop using me...I'm done.), my blog posts seem to be few and far between and are more photos than ramblings about my experiences here. I am hoping soon that my mind will remember how to speak creatively instead of grammatically-all that seems to be coming to my mind right now is "do I use 'zu' in this context or 'dass'? What endings go on the adjectives and in what situation do I conjugate the verbs and which situations do I not?" Not much creativity seems to be spilling out these days...so, hence I give you pictures. That way, you can use your imagination to create stories of your own. :D

Along the Streets of Berlin

2011-09-19T17:13:00.000-05:00

In the first few weeks of Berlin I set aside my camera in order to withstand the urge to be "touristy." I didn't want to view Berlin in the eyes of a tourist, but I wanted to experience Berlin like any normal Berliner would...so, I set foot to figuring out the grocery stores that I liked (Kaufland, Rewe, Kaisers and yes indeed ALDI), getting myself a mobile phone, registering at the Rathaus (city hall) in the city of Berlin, setting up a bank account, figuring out the intricate Bahn-system (Public transportation), buying flowers to put on my new balcony, going to IKEA to buy things for the apartment, etc. etc. With all of that, plus starting language school, and trying to get on the right sleeping schedule there wasn't too much time in the first two weeks to be a tourist...and for that I am very glad. I've realized that there is a mentality that goes along with "tourist." To be a tourist is to be spectator-to remain on the outside of the culture gazing in; to not venture in deeply to experience the good and the not so good of the culture in which you find yourself. It's usually the glamourous places that the tourist wants to see, to snap a few shots, chalk it up to another place visited and a potential story to tell children or grandchildren when they ask what you've seen in life...but aren't the best stories the ones where you dig a bit further in than just "saying" you've seen a place. Don't the meaningful stories come from letting the smells, the tastes, the sounds, and the history, impact your senses? Too many times I've been guilty of living a "tourist" life.
Within the last week, I did get a chance to get out to "see the city." But as I went, I made an effort to think about the places I was going, to not just take the photo, but to consider the life that is lived or the life that can be had in each place. Berlin, and it's surrounding areas is a city given to History. So much has taken place here...let me introduce you to a few of those places.

Along Strelitzer Straße:

If you can see the posts sticking up out of the ground, you will see that this is where the Berlin Wall once stood-separating the East from the West-cutting many off from family and close friends.

And here is the actually remnants of the Berlin Wall that are still standing.

It is said that no one had a clue that the separation was coming. One night everyone went to sleep and the next day, Barb wired fences were built cutting you off from the other side-no warning, no chance to say goodbye.

After the Barbed wire came the Wall...many were killed trying to cross the wall.

Today it still stands...reminding people of what once was.

This is my street-Strelitzer Straße. In the distance you see the TV tower-which was built by the communists while controlling East Berlin. The Russians wanted a visual reminder of how powerful they were-they wanted all of Berlin, not just the East side to see and to remember.

The place where my life is lived...welcome to my apartment. :)

Here is my lovely balcony-Here I have had many moments of silence while sipping on my morning cup of Joe.

The view of the courtyard from my balcony-the place where many children play and people sit and talk.

My lovely roommate, Natalie and I.

Along the Brandenburg Gate:

Years ago, this was the main entrance into the city-a thoroughfare, if you will, with a purpose. Now it is merely a memorial, a place for tourists. Again, seeing this makes me wonder what the days were like back when Berlin was divided.

It is truly a powerful and magnificent structure!

Along the Holocaust Memorial:

One starts off walking through these concrete slabs and they are ankle high...then they become knee high, then waist high-one is still able to see those others who are wandering around...but then the deeper you go, the less you can see the others around you...

You find yourself alone, with the slabs now way over your head...walking through these aisles that seem to touch the "lonely" part of the human soul.

This photo makes me think of all the feet that walked the pavements of the concentration camps, those who died without cause, without reason. It's sobering.

The artist gave no description of why he created this memorial the way he did...I guess maybe he wanted to leave room for what ideas and thoughts come to the individual mind as they journey through this memorial to what once was.

*There will be more pictures to come in the next few entries...

Sent out

2011-08-13T20:00:00.000-05:00

Today is my last day in the US. My dad looked at me from across the dinner table tonight and asked "Summer, where did these last four months go?" It went too fast. I have enjoyed my time here so much, it's been so long since I've been "around" family. I was able to be here when my grandfather passed away, to say goodbye to him and grieve his passing; I was here to watch my nephew play baseball and hit home-runs, cheering him on from the stands; I was able to spend valuable time with my nieces, watching them in play using their vivid imaginations, wondering when they grew up...and now realizing that it will be several years until I get to hug them again. I have strengthened my friendship with my sisters and cherished the deep and meaningful talks we would have, and laugh and joke like we've never been apart. My sisters are my best friends, and I will feel the void of their presence as I have had it over the last few months. I've also spent valuable time with my parents, feeling their love for me so strongly and cherishing the time we've spent as a family. I am so blessed with the family i have...God has given me such an amazing gift of friends and family. But He has also shown me the treasure He has given me in the body of Christ-those in Texas, those in Ohio, and those all over the nation and internationally. I've had tears well up for me today, it comes and goes. I'm not sure how tomorrow morning will be. I may break down or I might hold it in...sometimes I just don't know how I will deal. But all I know is this is my path, this is the destiny laid out for my by the Lord...I trust His guidance and as He leads me (like in Psalm 23) so He will lead my family; protecting them and loving them and caring for them.
Here I am Lord, send me.

The gigantic elephant in the room

2011-08-02T00:48:00.000-05:00

Even though each day moves on, making the tally one less day until my departure, it still doesn't feel real. Yesterday we had farewell party for me with my extended family, and yet it didn't feel any different than one of our normal get togethers. Today we had our family photos taken and again it didn't feel like this would be the last one we would have all together for 4 years. We're not really talking about it, although sometimes I catch a glimpse of my mom teary eyed and sniffling...I know she's thinking about it and I know that she feels that it's getting closer. I think we all feel that it's getting closer, but none of us is really wanting to talk about what this really means for us as a family. It's the gigantic elephant in the room.
Tonight though, a little crack in our tough exterior regarding this topic was made. I was sitting on the front porch of my sister's house just talking. She was asking me details about what more I needed to buy and what still needed to be done before I leave and then talking about our family photos that had been taken. I shared with her how good it made me feel that Mason (my 10 yr. old nephew) had wanted to make sure to get a picture taken with me. It was then that the crack came...she proceeded to tell me that Mason is taking my leaving harder than she thought he would. She went on to explain what she meant by that and it just about broke my heart to hear that this is difficult for him. But as I sit here and write this, it breaks my heart because I'm not going to be able to be here for him (or the others) like I have over the last four months. Mason will be 14 when I get back. Maxon will be 4. Callie and Izzy will be 8 or 9 and Sydney will be 10. I won't be able to have girls night at Aunt Summer's house where we paint our nails, play games and watch fun movies. So much of their lives I'm going to miss. I want to know them and for them to know me, and a fear is that they'll know who their aunt Summer is, but we won't really know each other. That thought kills me. And these are honest moments when a part of me wishes that God would have called me to something different, something that didn't take me away from my family. These honest moments won't keep me from going for there is a great part of my heart that is longing for this, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't have moments of feeling that I wanted to stay.
I am grateful that in today's world of int'l work I'm not hopping on a freight, with my stuff packed in my coffin, with the basic idea that I would never return home. I am grateful for things like skype, iPod facetime, email, video, etc. These things will make it easier to stay connected...but they will never replace living life side by side, being there in the flesh giving hugs........

These are the things that I'm thinking about at 1:42am...the things that I'm starting to feel.

Andrew Peterson - The Reckoning

2011-07-30T14:52:00.000-05:00

I can see the storm descending on the hill tonight
Tall trees are bending to Your will tonight
Let the mighty bow down
At the thundering sound of Your voice

I can hear the howling wind and feel the rain tonight
Every drop a prophet in Your name tonight
Oh, and the song that they sing
It is washing me clean but

How long until this curtain is lifted?
How long is this the song that we sing?
How long until the reckoning?

And I know You hear the cries of every soul tonight
You see the teardrops as they roll tonight
Down the faces of the saints
Who grow weary and faint in Your fields

And the wicked roam the cities and the streets tonight
But when the God of love and thunder speaks tonight
Oh, I believe You will come
Your justice be done, but how long?

You are holiness and grace
You are fury and rest
You are anger and love
You curse and You bless
You are mighty and weak
You are silence and song
You are plain as the day
But you have hidden Your face--
For how long? How long?

And I am standing in the stillness of the reckoning
The storm is past and rest is beckoning
Mighty God, how I fear You
How I long to be near You, O Lord

How long until this burden is lifted?
How long is this the song that we sing?
How long until the reckoning?
And I know that I don't know what I'm asking
But I long to look You full in the face
I am ready for the reckoning

Tools in my language belt

2011-07-30T14:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I finished my three week course on Language acquisition. It feels wonderful to have completed this, but also it feels great that I have some big time tools in my language belt now. Can I say long and complex sentences in German? haha...that's funny. No, I cannot, but I can comprehend much more than I thought, and remember words and phrases that I learned ages ago in high school German class. I've always been a simple girl, and so goes it with language-the things I know right now...super simple. But I'll survive, and hopefully not be too scarred by the amount of laughter and huge mess ups that will come my way once I get into Berlin. Oh! And...I almost forgot, I can gargle and hack my way through the "uvular r" that those Germans love to use. Let's just say I hope that the people I speak with wear a spit guard. :D
So, although I am far from mastering the phonetic sounds of languages all over the world, I can "glottal stop, and alveolar trill" with the best of them!

Now that this class is over, I find myself having the precious jewel of "time" returned to me. I can blog, write my updates, make calls to friends I neglected during my online course, spend time with people again, watch The Return of the King extended dvd with my dad (we're addicted to LOTR!) finish my shopping list, and start packing as I begin this final countdown of 2 weeks before departure. Only 15 days left in the great continental United States.

As Sure as the Dawn...

2011-07-18T23:19:00.000-05:00

Ahh. I needed this tonight-a chance to sit on my back porch listening to silence of the night and reflecting on the day, and the weeks and the months that seem to have gone by without me even noticing. We have now surpassed the middle of July, which means my time in Ohio will be drawing to a close in less than a month...27 days to be exact. I've been thinking about what it means to say goodbye to family and friends and I even envision what the day of my departure will look like when I hug my parents and sisters and nieces and nephew before i board my plane and fly across the world...hello sob fest.
A few months ago while I was at General Council I got a chance to sit with a good friend of mine who has been living in Africa for the last four years-the first thing she said to me when we finally sat down to talk was "I'm not going to ask you if you are excited. How are you really doing with this?" Boy was I glad that she cut through all of the surface banter to the core of my soul. She remembered the emotions. She remembered the goodbyes, some of the hesitancies of moving to another country and the very real process of culture shock. Of course there is excitement that runs through my veins and on one level I am ready to get on that plane now and begin this life that I have spent the last however many years of my life anticipating...but if I play hop scotch and jump right over the very real emotions that exist right alongside of the excitement I am doing my heart and my soul and my family a disservice. This time is precious time when we can say the things we want to say to each other and never had the chance.
Would I rather sit in the boat of excitement than have to swim in the waters of these emotions that come with saying goodbye? Yes, vulnerability is scary but Jesus is out in that water-calling me to come to him.

When some have asked how I am doing and I admit that I have feelings of sadness, too often they want to move me out of it by saying..."But you are doing the work of the Lord, there is so much excitement that lies ahead." yes. There is. But the feelings of sadness are just as real and I don't want to glibbly pass over them-relationships will change-friendships that I've had for years will not be the same-great losses will be felt. while there are great adventures before me I must first bid adieu' or an "auf wiedersehen" to the adventures that I've had. It isn't always easy for a idealist person such as myself who is all about the sentiment of the times to say good-bye to what once was.

This blog is correctly labeled for this part of life's journey...there is a road that stretches on ahead of me; it draws me ever on into the great unknown with the horizon as my line of sight. I am thankful that as sure as the dawn is that comes over that horizon so is my Jesus as faithful as its rise.

So, if you interact with me and ask how I'm doing, don't be surprised if I'm honest with you about it. The first words that come out of my mouth very well may be that I'm excited, but deeper still inside of me is a river of emotions.

The every day ordinary

2011-06-01T14:24:00.000-05:00

This is the second time I have come to my blog page and sat blankly thinking of something to write. How on earth do I not have anything to say? I think sometimes I wait for some sort of brilliant revelation that has come over me and I want to bless the world with it...and well no brilliant revelations as of lately have come upon me. Bummer. Ah alas, there is more to my existence than just my musings on the meaning of life-so I thought I would share with you just some of the "every day ordinary."

Monday was was Memorial day-90 degrees and humid. I thought I left that weather down in Texas. Anyway, I went over to my sister's house for a cook-out and a rousing tournament (all planned out by my 10 year old nephew) of Corn Hole. Yes, that's right folks, Corn Hole. While it may sound a little red neck, I will say that it is addicting and strikingly pulls out a competitive edge within me.
It was also an evening of watching little Callie play with the kitty...what a sight to watch her try and ride on its back! It didn't work out to the advantage of the kitty.

It is one of my favorite things to just sit and watch the youthfulness of these little ones. Mason has so much energy, spurting here and there, and excelling at everything he does. Callie loves to just experience life-she'll take advantage of the grassy hill at the baseball field in which she and her little friends say "ready. set. roll!" and roll down the hill, bumping into each other, and giggling because they are having so much fun. And here comes a thought just gleaned: I miss the days of carefree living. I miss not having anything to be concerned about except when I would see my friends next, when I'd go to the swimming pool, going to get an ice cream cone, etc. There is so much enjoyment in participating in life. It truly is inspirational to watch them-inspires me to let go of the worries that I wear on my shoulders and enjoy the goodness of life that was meant to be enjoyed.

So, as I was sitting and contemplating this while watching the kids run around, I decided that I would do something that I always loved to do...climb trees. I still got it! I gripped a hold of that tree branch, walked my feet up the trunk and flung my legs over the branch to hoist myself up. I hope that when I'm 60 I can still do this. :)
As my friend Stef and I declared during one of our roadtrips from Ohio to Wheaton a few years ago-----E TO THE J BABY...E TO THE J. (Enjoy the journey.) A little more hip and trendy than sticking to the old fashioned saying of stop and smell the roses. :)

Sooooo....E TO THE J! Enjoy your journey!

2011-02-25T02:35:00.000-06:00

"Guten morgen meine schöne frau" is the greeting that awaits me every morning during my stay here in El Paso. The phrase means "good morning my beautiful woman." I absolutely love this. My host's Deutsch Akzent is adorable, and I love when she mixes her German with her English...what would that be called "Germish?" "Gereng?" "Manlish?" (shrug).

Anyway, it just really excites me about when I get to start learning the language. I really have a feeling that when I am around it 24/7 in Berlin that my previous knowledge of the language will come swiftly to return to the surface of my brain. I already understand a lot. But more than her accent, I love her heart for God. We've had some incredible, and I mean incredibly conversations over the breakfast table (they usually last several hours).

Well I have been out in West Texas for a good while now and I am so sad to say that I have not seen a tumbleweed "tumble" across the roads yet! I have however seen the tumbleweeds stationary in the ground just waiting for the wind to blow strong enough to uproot it and carry it away. I think that I definitely would want to be classified as a person who is like an Oak planted by streams of water, instead of a Tumbleweed uprooted by the wind. :)

Over the past few days I have spoken at three different journey groups here in the New Vision fellowship. The people here are SUPER! It really is unbelievable how quickly God has grown this church plant in just 2 1/2 years. They went from 8 people to, on their best day, 117! In just 2 1/2 years! Wow! The team of prayer warriors for Germany is growing and I'm getting excited. :) Just had an amazing revelation tonight of the powerhouse that Germany could be if they would respond to the stirring of the Holy Spirit and if waves of them would give their lives over to Jesus..."Every town...every city"
Tomorrow night I get to kick back and have a little fun with the youth as we sway to the music of Mercy Me, Jars of Clay and the Afters.

Okay, I just had the biggest yawn ever so I think it's time for me to say goodnight...Gute Nacht und süße Träume.

Tschus!

2011-02-18T11:01:00.000-06:00

And....I'm back!
Right now I am currently in Midland Texas, the second to last stop on my trek. I just came from Lubbock and Next tuesday I fly to El Paso for my final week on tour. I can't believe that I'm passed the halfway point already. In some ways I do feel tired-there have been a lot of new environments to process, new cultures to interact with, speaking to different groups of people, but it's not like what I was expecting. I was expecting to reach this point and be ready to get home. And while I do look forward to getting back to Longview and not living out of suitcase, I also am really enjoying myself quite a bit! One of my favorite places was, surprisingly, in McAllen-the border town that I was originally concerned to drive to. But I think what made my time there so great was that for those few days I had a "ministry" partner. A woman I met at my very first church on tour traveled down with me, and I thank God how he worked that out. When I first met Connie, I felt a kindredness to her and I was sad that my time with her was so short. And then when the Lord opened the door for me to have someone travel down to the border with me, I jumped at the opportunity. It also showed me that, though I can do go on tour alone, I prefer to be in partnership with someone. There is a reason why Paul had someone with him when he went out on his missionary journeys. I just enjoy it better with someone else.
The second great thing about this trip was the people we stayed with. This couple isn't originally from the CMA background, so it was fun to hear about how God lead them to start a church in the Alliance, and I'm thrilled to see what God has in store for them as they begin their new journey. And I felt a kindredness to them as well; as if we've known each other for along time. They were so gracious, AND Lowell was a coffee connoisseur! :) Waking up to the delightful smell of premium fresh ground coffee was AMAZING! Now, Beth didn't like coffee as much, but I didn't hold that against her! :) lol. And actually we did a lot of LOL. I haven't laughed that hard or that much in a long time. I think I burned most of my daily calories by laughing! Thank you Jesus for those moments.
I am having some issues uploading some of my photos on this blog, so I will try to upload them to an album in Facebook so ya'll can see the sights I've been able to see. :)

Until we meet again...

Something new and unique in every city...

2011-02-11T03:05:00.000-06:00

It is 12:21am, just wrapping up an evening full of storytelling and sharing about ministry with my host family back here in San Antonio. As many of you know, I'm a night owl, but tonight especially I am just exhilarated by the quality of the time spent with people tonight.

Tonight was a special night. I praise God for unexpected blessings. I got a chance to connect with another Pastor from this area (not with the CMA) and his son through the people I am staying with. We arrived at this pastor's church and the six of us spent some time in worship together through song, praying the Psalms, sharing together some of the burdens on our hearts and then going before the Father to intercede for one another. I also was able to share from my heart the things God has been revealing to me over the last 2+ years of ministry, and how he has again confirmed His calling to have the "beautiful feet that brings the good news." It's these times that I've specifically asked people to pray for; to have the opportunity to connect on this level tonight was God's direct answer to those who have been praying for this. THANK YOU FOR PRAYING!!!!

Tomorrow I head down to the valley...McAllen, Texas. I'm sure many you have heard about the recent tumultuous events that have been taking place down in Mexico near the border of Texas, but I want you to rest in assurance that God is with me as I go and has spoken his protection over me. He instills HIS peace and reminded me that He is going with me. He gave me a verse through Ruth Hess from Genesis 46. God is speaking to Jacob and telling him not to be afraid to go down to Egypt..."I will go down with you to Egypt and will surely bring you up again..." What a huge encouragement that my Father in heaven, knew my heart and spoke directly to it to calm any nervousness I had about it. He also then used other people to speak faith and trust into the situation...and before I knew it, any fears I had (of the worst possible scenario that could happen) were eliminated. So, I tell you this not to release you from praying safety over me but that God has granted me courage and faith and an anticipation of what ministry awaits me there.

Priceless gifts

2011-02-11T03:04:00.000-06:00

Last Saturday evening I was handed off to the people in Uvalde, Tx. First off, and no offense meant to East Texas, I felt for the first time like I was stepping into the "Texas" that one would see in the movies...the "Texas" that most people think of when they think of this great big state. It was fascinating! I was told many many stories of the important "cowboys" that lived in Ulvade and I found out, that the Vice President (whose name I cannot remember at this late hour) serving with Theodore Roosevelt came from Uvalde!
But something even more amazing was the chance I got to spend some time with a true warrior of prayer. Her name is Ruth Hess. The story of her life is one of ultimate obedience to the Lord (although she would argue with me that she wasn't always obedient) and her dedication to the fellowship of believers there. For years, she has lived in Uvalde because God had called her to be the prayer warrior for this city and for this church. She would be considered a modern day Anna in my opinion. Called to the temple of the Most High to pray night and day for the coming of the Messiah. Ruth goes to the throne room of God to pray for the coming of Jesus in power to this city and this church. This is her calling...to prayer. It isn't a glamorous work...in fact I believe it's one of the hardest callings anyone can receive from the Lord. It takes intense labor to intercede for people, extra measures of faith and perseverance, because often the answers take years to show themselves. I learned what it means to be steadfast and firm in the Lord by watching this woman this week.

Sunday night was a pretty fabulous night. I got the chance to speak to an amazing and gracious group of people from Ethiopia. I felt honored to be a part of their time of worship in their native language, and to then share my heart for the Lord and for His calling on my life. There was a great ease in communication that night, and I loved how God brought things to mind right as I was speaking that I hadn't planned on sharing. I was thrilled to get a chance to talk with a few of the women afterwards, and one in particular I'm asking God to remind me to pray for as she tries to communicate with her roommate the truth of Jesus Christ. I can't say enough what a truly beautiful group of people they are. Praise God for his creativity and diversity.
Here are a few pictures from the gathering that night. We were invited to stay to celebrate the birthday of this cute little girl.

These last two days have been refreshing as well. I feel like I've been renewed with strength...I was definitely sensing a lack of it at the beginning of the week and even feeling a heaviness that didn't break until today. I knew I would face opposition, and I have; and some in ways I didn't expect. But praise God, I feel that whatever burden was there has been lifted! In the midst of all this, God is continuing to refine me and reveal to me areas that need to be shaved off-fashioning this "key" into the exact likeness of the "Master Key."
This photo is a picture of a gift that was given to me by a couple from the church in Pleasonton. I had shared with them about the "Keys of the Kingdom" theme that God had been speaking to in my life, and a woman, Kathy made this necklace for me and gave it to me the next day ! What a priceless gift the Lord prompted this woman to give.

Being enculturated

2011-02-11T02:57:00.000-06:00

I finally got a chance last Saturday to tour the city of San Antonio! I found that I really really like this city. There is an energy to it, lots of excitement and people...and the River Walk is such a unique part of the city. I think Longview needs to invest in one...hmmm well first Longview would need a River...well they dig lakes, why not rivers, eh? :)

It was a short tour, but I got to see the highlights: The Alamo, the River Walk, a yummy plate of Quesadillas, a chance to feed tortillas to a duck and cheese to a pigeon, and a quick tour through the San Jose Mission. And to make this blog complete, I thought I'd add the pictures to prove that I was there!

On Tuesday I got to go driving in the Hill Country, just north of Uvalde. I had no idea there were these massive rolling hills. Apparently Texas does have it all! My excellent hosts for my time in Uvalde, Pastor Butch Derosier and Ruth Hess gave me a great tour of the area...including a "drive through" Del Frio!

The Jeffrey family-my awesome hosts!

The Alamo

Apparently this is a chandelier...looks like a gigantic tear drop to me. All glass.

Rob and Joy Jeffrey-my hosts

The River Walk-sitting at a cafe along the River

San Jose Mission

Interesting how when God gives you a theme "Keys to the Kingdom", He tends to give small little gifts of encouragement, such as this: the last etchings that remain on the structure are in the shape of a key.

Gathering Hall in the San Jose Mission

San Jose Mission

My dear friends, Ruth and Butch

The road that goes "through" Del Frio

The beautiful Del Frio-the water is crystal clear and yes, this is the original color...no photoshop done here.

Summer in the Del Frio

There are hills in Texas!

Remembering

2011-02-05T01:24:00.000-06:00

Texas Trek: Day Three
I have really enjoyed my time here with the believers here in Pleasanton. The church is small, as it is a redevelopment church, but they have had a lot happen to them and are in the midst of healing...but it is a strong group of people who want to see God do great things with them. there is an excitement stirring within them and I feel priviledged and blessed to share this time with them.
This afternoon I was also able to visit with some folks who live in a local assisted living home and met some pretty neat people. The Lord provided a guitar for me (which was something I was praying about!!!) and I did a mix of music with my talk on Germany. Sometimes it's just the little things you do that make the biggest difference. I could see the appreciation in their eyes. Here are the amazing people who have lived full lives and who have incredible stories-they've traveled all over the world and want to share their experiences...I'm just a small pup in comparison to them, these are the jewels...the saints who have gone before and who are still living and fighting to win this race that they've set out to run for Christ. It's beautiful. Truly.

This evening I was able to sit down and partake in a wonderful German meal that the church had prepared and then had my second opportunity to share in a service...and there was definitely emotion that came up out of nowhere...I think what is happening is that the more I remember the time when God called me into missions and my life was drastically changed and renewed, the more those emotions become real again. It's been awhile since I've been able to devote so much time to looking at what is ahead...and remembering where I came from. But more importantly, what I truly want is for each person I meet to want to go deeper into God, get a glimpse of his heart for the nations.

Texas Trek: Days One & Two

2011-02-03T23:37:00.000-06:00

Day one:
Okay, so let's just say, I don't think that Satan likes what I'm doing and is sending his little cohorts to find ways to disrupt my tour. Tuesday, for starters, the copier went bizerk (sp?) on the day that I needed to get all my stuff printed out-it wouldn't print anything. Then just as I was about to close up shop at the office the electricity went blew out-when it blows out at the office I know that it also blows out at my house...which means I couldn't get any packing done or do last minute preps for leaving (thanks Becky for taking pity on me and letting me hang at your house. :) ) I Had a whirlwind of a day the next day, but was in very high spirits even though I didn't get anything done the night before.
Then last night the "Road Ahead" on my Texas Trek was a tad on the slippery side. Everything was just fine all the way up until I got into the Dallas city limits, then BAM! sheets of ice covering the roads. And everyone around me was doing the "driving in ice no-no": applying the breaks!!!!! It was the other cars that were making me nervous, and the huge semi's zooming by at 60 mph. I did see what the ice did to one vehicle on the side of the road-front end crushed...I thanked Jesus over and over and over for sending angels to sit on my car...I'm totally serious...I prayed that God would send angels to SIT on my car. :) I have never driven in ice like this before, I was a bit nervous-yes even as a northerner who is used to driving in these conditions.
Ahhh, but I arrived safe and sound and in one piece.

Reatha and I decided that we should check me into my flight and print off my boarding pass (easy right?...)...well, her printer decided not to work either and I think she literally went through 25 pages just trying to print off my boarding pass until finally it worked (half an hour later)
I'm starting to see a pattern by this time, but wait, there is more....

Day Two:
The day starts out great...I awaken to Baron my favorite dog in the whole world ready to say hello with slobbery kisses(so cute!), had a good nights rest, great breakfast, and the excitement was building for my first night on tour.
I get to the airport in plenty of time, no problems checking my luggage or going through security-all is continuing to go well. Then it starts....buzz buzz buzz, my text alert goes off. "The gate for Flight 620 to San ANtonio has changed and is now departing from gate C6. I get to gate C6 and I wait for about a half an hour...then the woman holding the mic says there will be a 15 minute delay due to mechanical issues with the plane...15 minutes later more delays....15 min later more delays...15 minutes later "Flight 620 to San Antonio will now be departing from gate C35at 3:15 (an hour later than was scheduled)...so I hop on the little tram and get to gate C35...at 3:15 when we are supposed to be departing they delay us another 45 minutes because the new plane has to arrive from the hanger and they have to clean it.
All around me people are on their phones, frustrated by this delay, especially the guy next to me who was explaining rather loudly about his delays and that he was on day two of not changing his "underclothes."
TMI my friend...TMI!!!!!!
So, the final time they give is 4:00, which means a 5:30-5:45 arrival time, which means I would be late and wouldn't make it for the first night's session. By this time I had already been in communication with Pastor Rob about my delays, and he told me that when they were on their way to come get me a woman from their church called and said her car broke down on the road (the weather is 20 degrees in San Antonio), so they needed to go back and help her before they could come get me, so it actually worked out quite well in that case that my flight was delayed.
And after all of this, Pastor Rob decided to cancel the evening because of my delays and because the weather was supposed to be snowy and sleeting here in San ANtonio.

As I sit and take account of all of this, all I can say is "wow, what a start." There has been a lot thrown at me to keep me from starting this tour...or to discourage me in the process...but neither one of those has been the outcome. I made it to San Antonio, had a great night of just one on one time with the Pastor and his wife and I'm incredibly encouraged by my interaction so far...ready to go and share my story with those who are in an assisted Living home. "THANK YOU" to all of you who are lifting me up in prayer-God is already answering-I know Satan would love for all of this to discourage me, but none of it has-in fact I anticipate even more what ministry God will open up for me here.I think your prayers have definitely kept the enemy at arms length-so please keep on pressing into the Lord on my behalf. I also am praying blessings and favor upon all of you who are traveling through this with me.

What will Day three bring? We shall soon see....until tomorrow.

Summer, signing off.

Day 2: I am not an accident.

2011-01-21T15:29:00.001-06:00

Well, hmmm....so far I'm not measuring up to my commitment to write every day...I'm doing horribly actually! (My weakness has been exposed...)
And yet, I have not given up. I have come back.

To Be known:
Several years ago, I was in a relationship with a man who believed that I was the woman he wanted to marry. When I would ask him how he knew, he would start mentioning his "list" of characteristics he wanted ina wife and said that I "fit" all of them. Now, on the surface that sounds nice and great and all of that, but on a deeper level I realized something. I didn't want to be a "list" of ideals to someone, I wanted to be known, truly known as "me" and not to just fulfill a "quota" of characteristics. Over time I came to truly understand, by God's grace, that he didn't truly love me, or know me...he just had an idea of me. (Going in to how I know is a completely different story for another time perhaps.)

But that is NOT how it is with God. He doesn't just have an idea about who I am...What helped me walk through the ending of this relationship was the truth that even if this man didn't know me, I was already fully and completely known. In fact, before the creation of the world I was known. Before I was even born I was full known....what?! Really?! How is that possible? I need to let that strange truth soak in for a minute.

Now I'm not saying that I'm not created to be known by other human beings or that it isn't right, good and possible for this knowledge to occur between friends, family, husbands/wives, etc. but it will never match the depth of God's knowledge of me. There is no one else in this world who will ever know me as deeply and completely as my Creator God.

So, the wonderful truth is that my deepest desire to be fully known and fully loved has already been realized. So, if God doesn't plan for me to be married, I do not have to be deceived in thinking that because I'm not married I will never be known deeply. Chapter 2 in the Purpose Driven Life has really opened up this truth for me to reconsider, and as I reflected on this chapter about being created by God for a purpose, His knowledge of me really stuck out. So, I decided to take tour through Scripture to find out just what God has to say about this...
Here is what I've found:

The Lord spoke to Moses, "I will also do this thing for which you have spoken; for you have found favor in my sight and I have known you by name." ~Exodus 33:17

"For the Lord your God has blessed you in all that you have done; He has known your wanderings through this great wilderness, these 40 years the Lord your God has been with you; you have not lacked a thing." ~Deuteronomy 2:7

"...hear from heaven, your dwelling place, and forgive and act and render to each according to all his ways, whose hearts You know, for you alone know the hearts of all the sons (and daughters) of men; that they may fear you all the days that they have lived in the land..."~ 1 Kings 8:39-40

This is what the Lord God of Israel says..."But I know you well-where you stay and when you come and go. I know the way you have raged against me..." ~2 Kings 19:27

"What more can I say to you about the way you have honored me? You know what your servant is really like..." ~1 Chronicles 17:18

"But He knows the way I take; when He has tried me I shall come forth as gold." ~ Job 23:10

"I will rejoice and be glad in your loving kindness, because you have seen my affliction, you have known the troubles of my soul" ~ Psalm 31:7

"If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread our hands in prayer to foreign gods, God would surely have known it, for he knows the secrets of every heart." ~Psalm 44:20-21

"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord" ~Psalm 139:1-4

"You made all the delicate, innter parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb...you watched me as I was being made in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born...every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." ~Psalm 139:13-16

"Search me O God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts..." ~Psalm 139: 24

"But now O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel the one who formed you says...do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you, I have called you by name, you are mine!" ~ Isaiah 43:1-2

"Everyone who is called by My name, and whom I have created for My glory, whom I have formed, even whom I have made." ~Isaiah 43:7

"Listen to me, descendants of Jacob, all you who remain in Israel. I have cared for you since you were born.

yes, I carried you before you were born. I will be your God throughout your lifetime-until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you." ~Isaiah 46:3-4

"Even before He made the world God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into hi own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ...Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to His plan." ~Ephesians 1:4-5;11

"He chose to give birth to us by giving us His true word. And we, out of all creation, became His prized possession." ~James 1:18

Purpose Driven Life Blog Entry #1: Going beyond the "Yes Yes I know"

2011-01-13T00:17:00.000-06:00

Well folks, I started writing this first blog on January 12th, but here it is, 12:11am. So much for the first entry of the "Journey of Purpose" coming in on the 12th. Looks like there will be 2 Jan 13th entries.

Anyway, here are the inklings that have come from my first day of my 40 day journey in seeking God's "ultimate" purpose in my life as I read "The Purpose Driven Life."

Here is what I found:
It's not about me. ah!Shocking.

I can't find my purpose by looking at myself. Think of a painting hanging in an art gallery. One thing that I depend on when I go to view art is that little white sheet of paper pinned up on the wall next to it giving the painters name, the medium it was painted in and the description of the "story" behind the piece of art. The painting itself could be beautiful, have amazing detail and just the right amount of shading and contrast and I could possibly get somewhat of an understanding (more like a guess) of it's meaning and purpose just by looking at it.
But if I wanted to complete purpose of the painting, I'd ask the painter. Let me give you an example of this analogy:
Last friday night I went to small church in Kilgore where they were displaying some artwork and having live acoustic music. The first thing I did as I entered was go and study the artwork. The paintings themselves were beautiful and I could tell they had purpose to it, but it wasn't until I read the description from the painter that I knew what the purpose was and the story behind it. The last painting I came to was a very well done, but very intriguing and mysterious piece. No matter how much I looked at it and tried to figure out it's meaning, I couldn't make sense of it, even with the title and the short description it gave. So, I decided to go ask the painter himself. He gladly shared the story that inspired the painting and immediately the meaning and purpose became clear.

I am like that painting. My life can display somewhat of my purpose-but it isn't the whole story. There is a story behind why I've been "painted." There is a reason why the painter used the light/dark contrast here, specific and fine detailing there. But to know why I was painted that I am, I have to go to the one who painted me.

Here is one more thing-according the Psalm 139 God saw me before I was born and had all my days numbered-every moment was laid out before a single day was passed. If all of my life was laid out before I was even born, that means that I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. It wasn't me who thought up the purpose for my life or who governs it.

Here is where it hits home...during my days I find myself saying (and striving for)"I have to be successful at this, this, this and this...if I show myself to be successful in these things that I've filled my life with, and all my t's are crossed and i's dotted then I'm fulfilling my purpose." ah ha. Wrong.
Being successful does not equal fulfilling my purpose. I could be successful in all those things that I filled my life with, but be so far away from the original purpose God "painted" me for.

It's time to start pursuing God and getting His side of the story.

Ticket to 2011

2011-01-11T14:36:00.001-06:00

On New Year's night, the final day of celebration for what 2010 was and anticipation of what 2011 will bring I sat with sister Amber, brother-in-law Matt, best friend Mel and her husband Jose playing Ticket to Ride, my new favorite game (Which just so happens to be a German made game-I think the Germans and I will get along well).

After all the smash talking of who would win and trying to out do each other and then finally congratulating the winner (which I just can't seem to remember who won-I had the longest train, but apparently that doesn't mean I won. :( ), we decided to spend some time talking about what we hoped for in 2011. We went around the table, and everyone seemed to have these intense and deep hopes and prayers for what God would do in them and who they wanted to be...and I sat there with nothing to say. It isn't that I don't have hopes or that I don't want God to do a great work in me, but I just hadn't sat still long enough or with purpose to really think about it. What do I hope for in this new year?
After realizing how ridiculous it is that I hadn't given the time to think about this, and that I've taken on the "passive" action in living life, I've decided that isn't good enough for me.

So, I am stepping out and making a decision, and that decision is that I am going to read the Purpose Driven Life...a book that I have not ever read. (I'm a person who rebels against what is the "rave" of the times...which is why I didn't read this book when it was "all the rave" in Christian circles).
I want to take this month and devote it to prayer about what God has for me this year and blog every day about what God reveals. Now considering my track record of blog entries and their consistency, I have to say that this will be difficult for me, but a good first step.

And, due to the fact that our God has a GREAT sense of humor, I imagine that many of my entries will involve awkward and ridiculous things that hopefully will make you laugh...it also might involve some hard things that will be hard to be honest about, but hopefully will inspire all of you to take a deep look at your lives as well. Who knows what is ahead, all I know is that this promises to be a great ride.

My first entry then will be tomorrow, January 12th.
See you all then!

Arms down, head back, and hold on!

2010-12-07T21:36:00.000-06:00

I know that EVERYONE and their mother, brother, sister, father, cousins, uncles and aunts say this...but I just can't seem to wrap my brain around how FAST time is moving.
I'm 29-almost 30...first of all...WHAT?????? This cannot be.
Almost 11 years ago I graduated from highschool
Almost 8 years ago I graduated from college
Exactly 3 years ago I graduated from Graduate School
2 1/2 years ago I came to Longview--this is what seems the craziest. I can't believe that it's been 2 1/2 years already and that I'm in the home stretch of my time here.
Thanksgiving came and went, Christmas is almost here and once the New Year comes I can just see my life moving is super fast motion...
...kind of like this amazing roller coaster ride at my favorite amusement park, Cedar Point, in Sandusky Ohio: Top Thrill Dragster. You hop in the car, anticipating the ride, and hear the man in blue, holding on to his walkie like it's his trophy, calls out..."Keep your arms down, head back and hold on! Enjoy the ride here at Cedar Point, America's. roller. coast." And boom...you're off at 120 mph right from the start; head plastered to the headrest, and your face feels like it's getting the most intense face lift ever and you climb to 420 feet in about 4 seconds, and 13 seconds later, the ride is over....yes, this is kind of what I anticipate January-August to be for me...before I leave the country and begin a whole new life.
"Keep your arms down, head back and hold on! Enjoy the ride..."

Morning glory

2010-08-10T10:35:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite things is waking up in the morning and feeling like I got enough rest and God is the first thing on my mind. I open my eyes and welcome the day, and have my first thoughts be to pray and ask God to help me order my day, and to empower me to accomplish all that He wants for me. This happened this morning.

Most times I drag my very weary self out of bed because mornings and I just don't get along...and my bed and I have become pretty good friends-so welcoming and comfortable with Egyptian cotton sheets. Who wants to get out of bed when you sleep on Egyptian cotton sheets?! Ah, but alas this morning was glorious and serene as I awoke in peace. I really hope that this becomes the normal description of my mornings.

And now with Coffee in hand and knowing God is with me today I am anticipating what God will show me today and how I might be able to minister to someone in Jesus' name.

Bring on your ministry God, I'm ready!

Tune in to a different frequency

2010-08-09T21:59:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about the last 7 years of my life and I've realized that so much of my time has been about waiting. Waiting for the dream that God put inside me to come to fruition. Waiting for desires to be fulfilled as I've sought after the Lord. And because I've come to realize how much of my time has been spent in the season of waiting, I'm wondering if there is something supernatural that occurs in this season because God orchestrates events in the lives of His people that cause them to wait. It's as if we can only know parts of God's character and truly encounter something supernatural with God in the midst of waiting. Let's think about what God says about waiting...

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 33:20 "We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield."

Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes."

Psalm 37:34 "Wait for the Lord and keep his way; He will exalt you to inherit the land."

Psalm 40:1 "I waited patiently for the Lord;He turned to me and heard my cry."

Psalm 130:6 "My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchman wait for the morning."

Proverbs 8:34 "Blessed is the man who listens to me,watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway."

Isaiah 30:18 "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him."

Isaiah 38:13 "I waited patiently till dawn; but like a lion he broke all of my bones;day and night you made an end to me."

Isaiah 51:5 "My righteousness draws near speedily, my salvation is on the way,and my arm will bring justice to the nations.The islands will look to me and wait in hope for my arm."

Lamentations 3:24 "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
Micah 7:7 "But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord; I wait for God my Savior, my God will hear me."

John 3:29 "The bride belongs to the bridegroom.The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice."

Acts 1:4 "Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about."

Romans 8:25 "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

1 Cor. 1:7 "Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for the Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed."

James 5:7 "Be patient then brothers as you wait for the Lord's coming. SEe how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains."

Jude 1:21 "Keep yourself in God's love as you wait for the mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life."

Sometimes I think that when we wait we don't exactly know what we are waiting for, we're just waiting because nothing has happened yet. But according to these verses, we are supposed to wait for the Lord-we aren't supposed to wait for a situation to change, but there seems to be something that God does when we wait for him, HE shows up and an interaction occurs.
A good friend of mine told me that when we wait on the Lord, it isn't that we are waiting in silence, but that there are a lot of different sounds in the waiting room, just on a different frequency, we have to tune into the supernatural frequency that God Himself is communicating on.
Sometimes waiting feels like God is just sitting on His throne, hearing my cry. But He just sits there. And I am convinced now that is a wrong perspective, because these verses speak that when we wait, God acts. When we wait, God can make things happen in the heavens, He rises with Compassion, He righteously judges, He makes things happen.
I think that is why He often orchestrates events in which His people have to wait, because HE wants to do it, He wants to show His saving arm. Just look at Abraham. God caused Sarah to be barren so that they would have to wait and see the salvation and the purpose of God come down upon them. It was HIS mighty hand. And we see what happened when they got tired of waiting, and lost hope in God's ability to act, and in His desire to do so.
So, as I sit in this waiting room...God isn't passively sitting by watching me wait, but when I pray He rises, whey I cry out in frustration He walks, when I exalt Him He shakes the heavens and His glory is revealed. Those are of the supernatural, and I get to take part in that.
What I'm needing in my current situation is to sense that "God is on the move" to accomplish His purposes for my life.
Waiting is hard. Giving up dreams is hard. Seeing that the future might look different than what I expect is hard: accepting that seems almost impossible. But is God faithful? yes! Is He ever out of control? No. I must hold on to His unchangeable character in the midst of uncertainty.

Grace Flows Down

2010-07-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

Last night I was talking with my brother-in-law, sharing the good news of my consecration interview with him and exclaiming, "I had so much fun in there!" He laughed and said, "wow, that isn't usually the response that I hear from people who go through the ordination/consecration process..." And this comment is all too true.
I have been in interviews like this before, I went through one to become a candidate for International Ministries, and I remember feeling intimidated. And it was hard to just "relax" and express what is truly in your mind and heart when you feel the "pressure to perform." But this time, it was far different.

The difference...prayer.Absolutely. I had a great support team interceding for me here in longview and around the country and even overseas! How beautiful. But also before I went into this I went before the Lord and I said, "Jesus, I am not going in there unless you go before and stand with me. It's you and me. Let's go." Peace consumed me. In the presence of the Lord there is fullness of joy. I loved sitting in that room with these men sharing what I believe about the Lord and happily referring to scriptures that have been etched on my heart (partly due to 7 years of Bible Quizzing-being drilled on scripture-thank you Tom and Jim!) since I was a little girl.
There was a seriousness to the interview, but we were able to laugh and make jokes together as well. And later they expressed their thanks for the enjoyment they had, often it can be stressful for them as well...so they welcomed the refreshing time that we all had together.

After all the questioning was over, they called me back in to welcome me into the family of the Southwestern district as a fully consecrated and approved woman in the ministry. Then they gathered around me to pray over me. And something changed in that moment-I can't explain it, but I sense something has happened in my spirit-like God has just added me as a pillar in the house of the Lord and that is so humbling to consider.

His Grace flows down and covers me.

An appointed Time for Everything

2010-07-21T13:05:00.000-05:00

So, as you can see, I am making some changes to my blog. There are several reasons for these changes...

1. I like to change things around-in some things I am a creature of habit, but in others I really enjoy adding new dimensions. This is one of those, and I get to put my creativity to good use, so this is my outlet!

2. I am heading into some unknown times...for example: How much longer will I be in Longview, TX? Is this the year that transitions me to international work? If so, what country am I being prepared for? What exactly will I be doing? If not, what does God have up his sleeve for me? (And some of the more honest questions being:God, how much longer are you going to make me wait for the fulfillment of the vision & desire YOU put in me????? How many more doors will be closed before the right one opens up? Could you at least open a window so I can get a glimpse of what is ahead? Please?")-Come on folks, let's be honest...we all have questions deep down just like this, don't we? ;)

3. And it is these questions that propelled me to change the name of my blog from Skies of Texas to Paths Uncharted. I don't know what lies ahead of me, and how bumpy the road may be, if there will be anyone else on that journey with me or if I'll have to continue to walk it alone, what valleys or mountains I may experience as I go, or who I will become in the process. The road ahead is uncharted. It's territory I've never walked before. But even though it's never been walked by me, the way has already been made straight by my Father. He has gone before me to make my way straight in the wilderness, and no matter if I am alone or not, He promises always to be by my side and my rear guard. I just need to trust him with all of my heart and not give in to the temptation to lean on what my mind understands or doesn't understand. His ways are higher than mine as are His thoughts.

All of this reminds me of a verse God gave me for leading worship this past Sunday:

"Thus says the Lord,
Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh His strength, and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
For he will be like a bush in the desert and will not see when prosperity comes
But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness; a land of salt without inhabitant.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose trust IS the Lord
For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream
and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit."
_Jeremiah 17:5-8

Wow, as I write it I realize how much this verse pertains to me in the current state of my heart and mind. I long to be the latter; may it never be that I take the way of the cursed man.

As the psalmist prays, so I pray:
"Lord, when you said 'Seek my face', my heart said to you O Lord, 'Your face I shall seek...teach me Your way O Lord, and lead me in a level path." ~Psalm 27:8,11

The Living Room of Sweet Communion

2010-05-19T16:46:00.003-05:00

Living Room of Sweet Communion
By Summer Hartzler
May 10th, 2010

Verse One
The bridegroom/ yearns for his bride
He says “Beloved/ You are mine”
(Song of Solomon 2:16)
He asks why
Have you forsaken me?
The Spring that gives you living water
(Jeremiah 2:13)

Verse Two
The bridegroom/ stands at her door
(Revelation 3:20)
“Beloved/ I want you to know me more”
Hear my voice
(Revelation 3:22)
I hold the keys to your heart
Will you dine with me
in the living room of sweet communion?
(Revelation 3:20)

Chorus 1
She will/ over come
And I’ll give the right to eat
Of the tree of life
That is found in
The paradise of God
(Revelation 2:7)

Verse Three
The bridegroom/ walks toward His bride
Beloved I have come/ to your side
He ask why
Have you eaten of the food
That won’t satisfy?
(Isaiah 55:2)
For I am
The bread that gives eternal life
(John 6:35)

Chorus 2
She will/ overcome
I will give to her/ the morning star
(Revelation 22:16; 2:28)
She’ll have a new name
Written on a stone
(Revelation 2:17)
She’ll be found in
The paradise of God

Verse Four
The beautiful bride responds/ to her groom
She takes His hand and says/I am ready now
(Revelation19:7)
She looks at Him with love
And He declares to her
I will/betroth you in righteousness
I will/forever in faithfulness
(Hosea 2:19)
And I will dine with you
In the living room of sweet communion
Revelation 3:20)

Chorus 3
She has/ overcome
Has prepared herself for me
With fine linen bright and clean
(Revelation19:7-8)
I will/ make her
A pillar in the house
In the temple of the Lord
(Revelation3:12)
Beloved/ I am coming soon
(Revelation22:12)

She has/overcome
I gave the right to eat
Of the tree of life
She is found in
The paradise of God

She’ll have a new name
Written on a stone

And beloved
I am coming soon.

We've only just begun...

2010-04-20T23:29:00.000-05:00

This morning when i arrived at the office I spent some time in prayer. I was praying over the whole situation with the decision that I need to make, again submitting it to the Father. I was also praying that Jesus would be sovereign over the decision, and over the leadership, that my leaders would look to Jesus for His will concerning my partnership with the C&MA. As I was praying this image came to my mind: my director was sitting on at his desk talking on the phone to me and behind him stood Jesus...he was towering over my director as if to emphasize His authority, His sovereignty. It again encouraged me and solidified to me how involved the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are in this whole process.

I could go into so much detail concerning how the conversation went this morning, but I'll try to keep it simple.
I have decided to continue moving forward with the C&MA. I will be pursuing the possibilities that are in front of me with these countries, talking with the regional leaders about vision but also sharing with them what I know is on my heart for ministry. As we move along in this, if there is any time when i am sensing God leading me in a different direction we will be able to reassess things and determine what to do at that point. They desire to see the will of God completed in my life and if it means that He takes me in a different direction than what I'm pursuing now they are 100% supportive.

I also discussed with him the confirmation I have sensed God strongly give to me to pursue intercession and growing in my experience of it through guidance and teaching from seasoned intercessors. I mentioned the College of Prayer and wondered about the integration of international ministries with the College of Prayer. This is going to have to be an ongoing conversation because as of right now there is no clear understanding of what this could look like. Right now the only way the College of Prayer is integrated is that leaders who are stateside go over short-term and lead sessions and then return to the states. I am called to be on the foreign ground long term, so this sort of integration wouldn't do for me.I want to be involved in a ministry of intercession on the field. but we have no idea what that would look like. So, there is hope for future discussion concerning this. however, I was advised that in the next few months I really need to pursue the College of Prayer and find out as much as I can, become more familiar with them, be in contact with them about their vision and see what doors God could open and if there is a way to integrate the two.

So, with all of this said, basically I have decided to step into a vast sea of more questions. :) But at least I am swimming in the sea now, and not just standing along the shore wondering what the sea is like.
I can definitely use A LOT of people praying for me in this, so if you want to pray contact me and ask how you can be partnering in this with me. :)

Thanks so much for all of your support,love and prayers over the last few months...we are just beginning in this wild adventure with God...it's exciting to see how it will all unfold.

Update

2010-04-16T12:06:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to inform all of you that I went into yesterday's deadline for my decision with the desire to express honestly that I still am not 100% sure. I explained some of the questions I need to have answered and asked if there would be anyway to have an extension of time. I sense that God really wants me to continue to persevere in prayer concerning this and to believe that He'll answer. So, my director will be returning on Tuesday of next week and i plan on having a phone conversation with him. My prayer is that some other things will unfold before then which will make the conversation quite productive. Keep praying...there seems to be much that God has to teach me through this.

The River

Last night at small group, my friend Rebecca shared something from Ezekiel 47. Ezekiel is being shown a vision of the temple area, and this particular passage refers to the river that is flowing from the entrance of the temple. This is what is says, "As the man went eastward with a measuring line in his hand, he measured off a thousand cubits and then led me through water that was ankle-deep. He measured off another thousand cubits and led me through water that was knee-deep. He measured off another thousand and led me through water that was up to the waist. He measured off another thousand but now it was a river that I could not cross, because the water had risen and was deep enough to swim in-a river that no one could cross. He asked me, "Son of man, do you see this?" Rebecca explained that the Lord spoke to hear about this river flowing from the temple of God being the presence of God that is available to us...some are only experiencing it up to their ankles, but there is more...you can go deeper. Wading in ankle deep water is refreshing and it is enjoyable, but how much more refreshing is it when you get to swim in it!
I just loved that image, because there is more to God's presence than what we are experiencing now. I know for me, I only know the ankle-deep level, but I want to know more, I want to go further. And I think He is using this decision I have to make to show me that there is more to know of Him. That I have not yet been filled to the measure of the fullness of God. I've only just dipped my toes in! So, bring on more of your Spirit Lord! I want to be filled to the measure of the fullness of God!

Seeking after the Jewel Part 1

2010-04-15T01:19:00.002-05:00

The Promise

As I embarked on my two day journey in solitude and prayer with the Lord I wasn't sure what God had in store for me. And frankly, though many people gave me the encouragement that God would indeed meet me and show me his path, I secretly doubted. But with the mustard seed sized faith that I had I moved forward with hope that God would indeed show up. Beloved, He did.

I began my days of solitude and prayer by spending time at Tyler State Park basking in the glory of God's creation. It was restful and relaxing, but when I tried to dig my heels into prayer I felt like I came up against a wall...something that wouldn't allow me to move into undistracted communion with the Father. I was a bit discouraged and thought, “man what a way to start off my retreat with the Lord. I'm not sensing his nearness!!!” But thank you to all who were praying specifically against distraction because the Lord answered your prayers in great ways later that evening when I arrived at my retreat location. It was as if I was entering Christ's very own rest that is talked about in Hebrews. Indeed, it was truly satisfying...I was answering the call of Christ to come to His waters, to taste and see that He is good...to partake of the richest of fare. I felt a huge burden just slip right off. I was truly in the refuge of the Living God.
    As I settled into the evening with the Lord, the words “perseverance” kept showing up as I kept reading portion after portion of God's word, receiving the this bread of life. He was encouraging me to keep going, to keep pursuing him, his wisdom and understanding. Perseverance must finish its work so that I would be mature and complete not lacking anything. I think that in times like these, when we seek the Lord, not only for an answer, but genuinely seek His heart and mind He requires perseverance, because he doesn't want us to lack anything. As I was praying and reading he lead me to Proverbs 2: 1-6 which says “My son (daughter in my case), if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding...then you will understand what is right and just and fair-every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.” So, I my prayer became, “LORD you promised that if I seek wisdom as I would treasure that it would enter my heart and be pleasant to my soul. You promised. For your name's sake I am holding you to your promise. Fulfill it in me.”
    The next morning I awoke to the sun beaming through the cracks of the window blinds. I awoke with expectation in my heart. I looked up to the ceiling and what I saw made my heart stir and my jaw drop...I whispered “no way.” There before me were mute colors that spilled across the white surface...there before me was a rainbow. I couldn't help but be in awe that God would give me this...that at this moment this image was only for me in response to my prayers before the Lord. I got out of bed and realized that not only was the rainbow on the ceiling right above me but it was also spilling across the wall as well. The rainbow was all around me. God sets the rainbow as the sign for His covenants, the sign of His promise. I heard a whisper in my spirit “I remember my promise.”
    “And God said, 'I now establish my covenant with you...this is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds I will remember my covenant...”

Seeking after the Jewel Part 2

2010-04-15T01:18:00.000-05:00

"I will be found..."

In Ephesians Paul is on his knees praying in the power of the Holy Spirit that the church, his brothers and sisters in Ephesus would experience what God has poured out into him. He is on his knees before the Father, desperate that out of the glorious, marvelous, beautiful riches of God they would be strengthened with power through the Spirit in their inner being. His desire was for the power of the Spirit to begin to move within them, giving strength. He wanted them to grab a hold of faith so that Christ would dwell inside them.

Stop here for a second. Think about that.

Having the very Spirit of the Most High God flow in your inner man...do you get this? Do you marvel at this mystery? Are you on your knees in a response of love? Paul prayed that they would be rooted and established(grounded) in His love that they would be filled with power from on high-power to actually grasp how wide and long and high and deeps is the love of Christ and to know this love, to love being loved by God...to know it with a knowledge that surpasses the minds capacity to know...he's talking about a deep spiritual knowledge of the depths of God's love for them. For us. For you. For me. Consider also, for a moment, the fullness of the Triune God. Think about in the Old Testament when God's presence descended upon the Temple...the power, the strength, the beauty of God filling the temple. The fullness of the divine, perfect, holy, lovely, pure, etc etc...this is Christ's desire-that we be consumed with the fulness of God.

As you read this first paragraph of the blog you will see that what was on God's agenda for me in this retreat wasn't exactly my agenda, and thank goodness for that. He answered prayers that my heart has been praying for years...the work that He did was far deeper than just an answer to the next step in my journey. I don't know if many of you struggle and wrestle with belief that God could indeed have promises ready to be fulfilled in your life; that God could indeed love you as much as He says He does; that His eyes are set upon you...His gaze fixed on you. To have the faith to say with confidence “I am my Beloved's and He is mine.” The question that resonated in me was deeper than “God, what do I do next?” But instead God had questions to ask me: "Are you made perfect in love? Do you believe? Will you receive my promises?” What God revealed to me was that He wanted me to believe Him. He wanted me to know that He keeps His promises. Out in front of me is the Promised Land, the promised inheritance for those who are in Christ, and the Lord is standing beside me saying “Look, all of this I give to you as an inheritance, in Christ you are given every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. It is awaiting you to go in and take possession of it. Do you believe me that this is yours? Do you believe? Will you receive it?” And here instead was the decision: Will I be like the people of Israel who lacked the faith that believed God could indeed give them this “promised” land or will I go in by faith and take possession of my inheritance?

The answer was faith; belief that God is who He says He is. But this faith had to go beyond a conceptual understanding of what a life lived by the Spirit is to look like. It was actually saying, “OK this is what this looks like, but I WANT to experience it, to go further up and further in to the depths of the mysteries of God. I HAVE to, I NEED to.” As Paul said, “To know this love that surpasses knowledge-that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” This is more than knowledge. This is encounter, this is experience.
Christ's desire is for me to know the love of the Father, and to trust in this love. For this love that the Father has for the Son is the very same love that He has for me. Receiving this love does not come naturally, and neither does receiving all of the wonderful blessings of the Spirit that God wants to pour out into those who seek it. His blessings are for those who believe enough to ask for it and to receive it. And in all of this God was saying “If I say I will do something, do not doubt but believe that I keep my promise. Believe that I will do it. Believe that I love you.”

As of 11:56 pm on Wednesday night I do not have a clear cut answer about this decision that I need to make, but so much more has been made clear to me. I still have before me the choice to take the way of Abraham and move forward out of faith even if I don't know where I am going, or if I am to wait in a season of intentional prayer for the Spirit of God to birth in me a vision for the nation He will send me into. But I am at peace because a freedom in my spirit has been released and the Lord reminded me that not only did he lay the calling to go into the nations to preach the gospel but he also has anointed my life with the calling of an intercessor. He confirmed in my spirit that a big part of my calling to the overseas mission will be to battle in prayer, to intercede and stand in the gap for the nation that he sends me to. Knowing this does bring clarity to what my next step must include. Receiving the confirmation of this in my spirit is more valuable than knowing a “yes” or "no."
I do believe however that I have enough wisdom and understanding from the Lord to go into tomorrow with a plan. Based on what the Lord has revealed to me, I have some questions that I need to be asking that could really help to clarify further. My plan is to be open and honest with my director about what the Lord revealed to me, how I intend to further pursue my call to intercession and what I feel is needed to develop that and a few other questions I have. I am at peace with this.

2010-02-12T16:02:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Longview, Texas received its biggest snowfall that they've seen in over 7 years...it may have been even longer! Most of us honestly didn't think that we'd get that much snow, but when the snow kept coming down and didn't stop until the afternoon of the next day, we became believers. I feel honored to have gotten a chance to experience such excitement among the East Texans as they enjoyed this first big snowfall. When I arrived home from work my roommate immediately approached me and said "it is snowman time. Get on your winter coat and let's go!"

So, we bundled up and spent the next hour laughing, throwing snow and building, my first ever, "snow diva." I am used to making a "snowman" but according to Audra we were creating a diva. (For those of you who may be wondering what a "diva" is: it's a distinguished female singer...who is a bit sassy.)
It felt good to relax, to throw off the burdens that come with adulthood and ministry, and to become childlike again. The simplest pleasures in life really do bring satisfaction to the soul.

Thank you God for this wonderful blessing.
I know that many of you who are reading this have over 20 inches of snow in their area and are thinking...yeah right Summer, snow is anything but a blessing. :) Trust me, I know all about that attitude. But here where it is so rare, it truly is like a jewel.
Hope you enjoyed the photos!

The shaping

2009-12-11T13:13:00.000-06:00

One of the verses that I have posted to my computer in my office is “I will give you the keys to the kingdom.” It is a promise from Jesus saying that if I focus my gaze and my intentions on Jesus Christ, it will be him who gives me the keys to unlocking his kingdom.
How tightly I must hold on to this promise if I will at all be effective for the Lord's kingdom. But let me share with you something else that the Lord showed me in reference to this verse:
I was worshiping with some friends of mine and one of the men in the group spoke to me during our time of prayer and said that an image of a “key” kept coming to his mind when he was praying for me. He went on to explain...In order for anyone to make a replica or an exact copy of the Master key, you have to grind the shape into the silver. And the sound of the grinding machine is unpleasant, with all it's shrieks and groans-it does sound quite painful. The idea is that the process of making a key in the Master's likeness is the shaving off of the excess portions, the carving and grinding of the exact shape. And the process is intricate.

Have you ever tried to use a key that “almost” looked like the master key? It doesn't work. The process has to be exact and precise, otherwise the replica is useless. God used this image and explanation to speak volumes to my soul and to my experience here in homeservice. I am called by God, through the process of sanctification, to bear the image of Christ, and for Christ to be formed in my inner being. I am to be made in the Likeness of Christ and just like the key, I have to go through the grinding and the "shaving off" so that I can become exactly like the Master key, my Master Jesus Christ. And if God is the key technician in whose hands I am being formed, I can trust that he won't make a mistake and accidentally move the key too much to the right or to the left in the grinding machine, rendering me “almost” like the master key but not quite, and thus utterly useless. But he holds me steady because his desire is for me to be exactly right, so that I am useful in unlocking the door/lock that he created me for. You see, Jesus does give the keys to the kingdom...but he also is the one who “makes” the keys as well, keys that bear his exact likeness to open the doors of the kingdom (to open the doors of the hearts that up to this point have been locked tight and are now ready to be opened.) Really, this image and truth is so incredible to ponder. And it makes what I go through bearable, knowing that there is a purpose in all that I face, in all the ways that I sense that I fail or am not quite good enough. To know that this is all a part of the “grinding” process so that the finished product is a key that fits into the doors of ministry that he has prepared for me.

Not enough light to reach the darkest places

2009-09-15T10:18:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I was reading an article in the Alliance Life called “Light for the Lost.” It was an article about the desperate need for the people who are in darkness to have the light come to them to lead them back home. The article is written from the perspective of a woman, Carol Strong, whose husband and sons had found themselves lost in the woods when nighttime fell without any light source to guide them back home. She went on to explain her concern for her loved ones, stuck out there in the dark with no light. She decided to turn on all the lights in their home to act as a beacon, asked her neighbor to turn on all the lights in their home and drive out to the edge of the woods and point the high beam in the trees hoping that they could see the light and find their way home. But they did not return. Through much effort and time spent trying to get them home, Carol’s neighbor finally went out with a high beam light to where their cries were heard, found them and lead them back home. After reading this article I immediately saw where she was heading with her point. The church’s desire is to be the beacon of light. And the church building has become the house. We “light up” the whole house in hopes that people will see the light and come to us. Our intentions are pure in wanting to be a source of light, but it’s not enough light to reach into the darkest places. In the case of Carol’s family, the beacon (the light from the house) was not what saved the family. It was the neighbor, carrying the light to her family to guide them back to safety.Carol made a challenge to Christians that it isn’t enough just to light up the house and be a beacon; we can’t expect to stay inside the church walls, shine our lights and expect people to come to us. Carol asked her husband later “Steve, why didn’t you come toward the light?” And Steve answered “It was so dark where we were that the beam couldn’t reach us. The only way for us to get off that mountain was for someone with the light to come to us.” For many people today, it is so dark in their lives that the beam from the church can’t reach them. They need someone with a high beam to go and find them, offer the light to them to guide them back home, and walk with them during the journey.

Learning important life lessons

2009-08-19T09:57:00.001-05:00

This morning I was enjoying the quiet ride to the Dallas Fort Worth Airport, watching as the sky began to shift colors, going from midnight blue to a softer shade of dark blue with whisps of white and gray clouds darting across the sky. The sun was on it's way...ready to introduce the already awakened travelers to the dawning of a new day. But even as I was enjoying the sight, there was a feeling in my gut that we had to hurry, like I was going to miss my flight. We were cutting it close, usually I like to arrive at the airport at least 1 1/2 hours before my flight, but this time I was getting there an hour before. My friend dropped me off at the American Airline ticket counter, I got out my itinerary, punched in my e-ticket number and saw that there was no record...I began to panick. so I started to look at my ticket closer and realized that my flight to Seattle was on Delta, it was my return trip that was on American....I looked at my watch, and 10 minutes had gone by. I rushed outside to catch the terminal link and had to wait some more. By the time I reached the right terminal, got to the desk, the man behind the desk said "Sorry ma'am, we've just closed that flight. You cannot get this flight." NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! What do I do? I'm supposed to be on that flilght...one of my best friends is getting married this week...I have to get to Seattle...the temptation to flip out was about to take over. The man behind the counter began to give me my options...the next flight was at 2pm-a good seven hours later. He could put me on standby, no guarantees but it was my only option right now. So, standby it is. I went over to the nearest bench and sat down..."God, now what?" And it was like He was saying to my spirit..."now you and I are going to work on a few things." Immediately my mind went to a prayer that I prayed last night before going to sleep. I asked the Lord for a divine appointment, for Him to connect me with someone who needs to hear about Christ, and for Him to give me an opportunity...that he would clearly guide me and give me boldness to share Christ. Once I remembered that prayer, I thought "Maybe the person God wants me to talk with isn't on that plane. Maybe there is someone on a different flight he wants to connect me with." With that thought in my mind, I started to calm down and I began to realize that though it isn't convienent, there could be grander reasons why I missed that flight. And maybe God doesn't have someone lined up for me to talk with, and if not, that's okay too. But the lesson learned is that God isn't just in the big stuff. He's in the little things. He's in the way I treat the man behind the counter, he's sovereign-even when in the midst of confusion and making mistakes on not leaving early enough to catch my flight. God isn't just a theology to believe in. He's my God, and where I go, He goes with me. I can trust Him. These are such simplistic things...but how often do we just charge ahead, unaware of the God's presence with us? How often do we head to the airport, get our stuff together, confirm our ticket, do our thing our way, get really upset if we miss our flight or it gets cancelled and not even realize that God has a purpose for what we do, for where we are...we are so accustomed to take care of ourselves and just live life and call on God when something big has happened...but I think He wants to be recognized in the small things, to be exalted in everything. Has God's love left me? No. Has God somehow been disproved to be sovereign because I missed my flight? No. Does God want us to trust Him in all things? Yes. Even things as small as missing a flight? Yes. Having the Lord settle my heart and help me to let go of worrying about the details is huge. Trust in the Lord with All your heart. And lean not on your own understanding, but in ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. I'm trusting for the Lord to be directing my path in a very real and tangible way right now, and also seeing Him work out some details on my behalf, as I sit and wait to find out if I'll be able to get on the next flight.
One of the psalmist proclaimed: "I exalt you because your Name is near." I realized that anytime that the word name is capitalized it signifys that as the place where God has intentionally put His presence...it is the place that He chooses to reside. And I was am contemplating that verse right now, it helps me to know that God has place His Name, His presence within me. He has chosen to dwell with me and in, which makes Him near to me...always. In really tough times, and in the silly stupid times when you miss your flight. :) His Name is near. And that to me, is a great comfort.

Seasons of relentless pursuit

2009-05-12T17:10:00.000-05:00

It is the middle of May, which means that I have now been in Texas for 9 months, and that I'm about to head into the "energy depleting" heat of the summertime. The summer heat does in fact take a toll our our bodies and often causes more of a weary feeling, especially in the dense humidity like we experience...but instead of letting this lethargic and weary feeling overtake us, especially spiritually, we want to see God use "heat" similar to the "tongues of fire" image at Pentecost to spur us on toward a fiery zeal to reach into our community. I believe this is what He wants from those who are called His children. Isn't it one of the biggest reasons why we have the filling of the Holy Spirit? So we can receive the power from on high to spread the glory of the gospel of Jesus Christ?

I just got back from an amazing time of community with fellow leaders and believers whose hearts are incredibly passionate about prayer and about spreading the truth of God's redemption. It was a weekend of prayer and soaking in the powerful word of God. Who knew that prayer could be so fulfilling? God must look down on us and wonder why we limit this divine opportunity we have to be in communion with our Father. I heard it said once from Jim Cymbala (the pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle in New York City) that God has a banquet table filled with things that will satisfy the soul, with every spiritual blessing from the heavenly places, filled with everything we need for life and godliness, and so much more, and is just waiting to pour it out on us. God says in Isaiah, "Come! Come to me, taste and see that I am good. Come, buy milk and bread without cost! Taste the richest of fare!" It's just waiting for us to come. God is waiting to pour it out over us, but there is one stipulation...we must come to him; abide continually in him and ask for these things in faith. But how hard it seems to be for us to transfer this from the realm of thought to the realm of reality. This has been a lesson that God has kept me in for many years. I feel like I move forward in understanding it, then fall back, then move forward, then fall back. Sigh.

Another brother in the faith, Mike Bickle, from the International House of Prayer spoke a bit on why it seems to be so hard to feel victory in prayer, and this idea is what I took away with as encouragement:
When you begin to sow to the Spirit and devote yourself to a lifestyle of prayer you will experience a season of obedience without joy, a season of discipline without desire, in which you are crying out "LORD! I AM HERE, YOU SAID TO SEEK YOU AND THAT I'LL FIND YOU BUT YOU ARE HIDDEN. LORD! LORD! I'M PRAYING, WHY DO YOU SEEM SO FAR?-(it's what happens when you have to say no to the flesh and yes to the spirit, it's a time of conditioning yourself to the life of the spirit, no longer submitting to the flesh and of stripping yourself of, well, you).....it takes time and devotion but they are only seasons. After these seasons of what seems to be desireless and lifeless prayer but prayers kept in persistence, obedience and discipline you will begin to see a breakthrough in which light bursts forth in prayer, and you begin to feel the stirring of life and abundance...you will begin to encounter what it means to have streams of living water flowing through you, instead of the stagnant, bacteria infested water. He prefaced these thoughts with the reality that it took him two years of relentless prayers that weren't seasoned with desire before he felt the breakthough, but it came, and when it came it transformed his life.
In our culture we are so used to receiving things instantly, but I think God wants to see if we're serious about this lifestyle change..prayer and living by the spirit takes discipline and the hard work of denying "self" before we see the benefits of the fruit.

I'm just encouraged that God seems to still be revealing himself to me, and even more that He's speaking to my soul about his plans for me. It's truly magnificant that God is so close to my heart. For truly, who am I?

Candid images: pictures of everyday thoughts

2009-03-14T22:45:00.000-05:00

Hope Haven-it's a hiding place of sorts. Women arrive defeated on the doorsteps of this haven. They are women, worn by the depravity of this world, who have said yes one too many times to it's pleasures only to be caught in a snare that wounds them even more. They are overwhelmed and oppressed by the choices they make, enslaved by their consequences. They look exhausted. They look heavy, and weary, hardened like stone. Here a paradigm begins to shift. Some grasp a hold of the shift and feast on it, others run from it, incapable of letting such change take root in them.

I've been given the amazing opportunity to catch a glimpse of the joy that is being cultivated into the heart and life of one of the women in this haven. And my interaction with her left the phrase of King David to resonate in my heart: "Restore to me the joy of thy Salvation!!!!" How many of us still feel that excitement of salvation? The thrill of being rescued from the dominion of darkness and being brought into his marvelous light? She is hungry. She is thirsty for more of the Lord, even though most of the time Scripture is over her head....she doesn't toss it aside and say forget this nonsense, but she strives to make sense of it, she seeks out people who will help her understand. She gives testimony to the Lord about how He met her need very practically, And in our bible studies her eyes fill with tears because the Lord just revealed His will to her through something that was said or read. But most of all, the joy just radiates from her. She has hope again. God has been her shield, the lifter of her head. It's written all over her face. Salvation had come to her and she clings to it.
I am reading the book "The pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer and the first chapter of the book is titled "Following hard after God." And it seems that this woman who has had everything stripped away from her, including her children, has made room in her life for God, and not only has she accepted him but she is following hard, striving, after God. It's not a ginger walk through the park, but an uphill climb on jagged rock cliffs. A.W. also talks about this idea of God revealing himself to "little children" and keep his way hidden from the wise. This woman is a little child in her faith, and she seems to be hearing from the Lord in ways that I want to be hearing from him and can't. Have I somehow given myself permission to slack off in my pursuit of God because of my 20 plus years as a christian and participating in church? Because of my bachelor's and master's degree at a bible and theology school? Have I unknowingly replaced a simple child like faith that would enable me to see the revelations of Christ with a wisdom that lacks any passion or revelation? And ultimately lacks the faith necessary for these revelations? How does one grow up in faith, yet still keep the childlikeness that opens the way for the revelation of Christ? How do we keep ourselves from becoming like the pharisees? Becoming wise in the ways of God, but yet completely miss that God is standing in our midst? God forbid that this would happen to any of us! Questions I find myself asking: Do I long for God like I long for water? Do I long for God like I long to be satisfied in my job or in ministry? Do I long for God like I long for that morning cup o' joe? Do I long for him more than I long to have a husband? And if the answer is no...when did my longing cease? Why has it ceased? And what are the implications of a ceased longing?

I will end these provocations with something from this chapter by A.W. Tozer:

"I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality of our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of our spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He wants to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain."

2009-03-02T01:15:00.000-06:00

well...I did something a bit risky, about a month ago. I went dark. I decided one evening, that I wanted to be able to control something in my life and needed a change (and hair often is the easiest thing to change) so I went to the store and purchased dark brown hair dye and if you look to the right, you'll see the outcome. It makes me feel a bit more mysterious! Not so predictable or ordinary. Just thought I would share this wonderful information with you all. :) Now you can all sleep better at night.

2009-02-17T10:47:00.000-06:00

Thanks to many of you out there who have been praying for me to find a car!!!! I found one!
It is a 2002 Honda Civic, silver with around 112,000 miles on it. It is in good condition both interior and exterior except for a minor little ding on the back right tail light.
From everyone who I have talked to about cars they give double thumbs up for a Honda and say that I can anticipate adding many more miles to a honda engine and still being in good shape. The amazing thing about all of this is that God is teaching me how to use my intuition and my perceiving skills. Out of all the cars I have seen, and driven I never had a good sense about any of them. I couldn't put my finger on why exactly but something in my gut just told me to wait...so I did. I went back to the news journal to look to see if any new cars came up and my eyes caught one that I had seen before but over looked because I just didn't think it was what I wanted. I figured I'd give the guy a call to see if it was still there (chances were that it wasn't, being a Honda and all-they sell quick.) The guy answered and told me he still had it, and immediately I had this sense of "rightness" about this car. I just knew. Yep, this one is it. And it is! I'll make it final on Thursday! Thank you so much for praying everyone! It's amazing, absolutely amazing that God is as involved in these aspects as he is in bringing people to salvation. He wants our whole lives sanctified, which includes how we handle buying cars, how we use the personality He has given us in making decisions, and trusting Him through it all. This is what it means to be in constant communion with God, relying upon His guidance and leading and trusting Him when He leads. Scripture has become more alive to me than ever lately! And God uses our everyday circumstances to show us how alive He is in us! What a wonderful SAvior!

Summer, shaking her fists at cars. Grrrr.

2009-02-13T23:31:00.000-06:00

Just want to let ya'll know....buying a car is absolutely frustrating! Can you hear the angst in that statement? If not, re-read it, it's there. I know next to nothing about cars except what body style I like and the color. So, you ask me to make a decision on a car and I'll look blankly at you...I have no idea. And trying to find a car for $5000 that doesn't have 130,000 or more miles on it is virtually impossible. And so, must I give in and buy a car with 145000 on it? To me that just isn't worth it, but what can I expect? I have only a certain amt of money and don't want to go into debt just to buy a car.
I spent several hours today and over the past few weeks trying to find a car....finding one that I liked and then having something happen that makes me doubt that it is a good find. Like today, I was all set to buy a dodge stratus, 2002 with 75000 miles on it...then I went to look at a consumer report and there were more black dots than red ones....not good. So, I started over and left the search today bereft and frustrated. All the thoughts swarming through...do you want that many miles? You only have $5000, will the engine last? how about the transmission, will I have to replace it in a month? Ooooh I'd really like a jeep, oh wait how many miles per gallon? Was this car in an accident? All those scratches, does it have a cd player?Oh! I like the sun roof! What about the tires?And it's the battle between what I want and what is practical. Sigh. I just don't want to make the wrong decision and have to pay for it later.
Here you are folks....this is the real nitty gritty stuff of the life of Summer Hartzler in Longview TExas! In the face of frustration! ARGH!
Ha, so as you can see I haven't quite learned the lesson in patience in this matter. If only the car would fall in my lap....well not literally that would be quite painful. Sigh.

Emmanuel-God with us.

2009-01-07T23:10:00.000-06:00

"I am with you."
"I am with you."
"I am with you."
Does saying it more than once, repeating it like a chant, emphasize the power of the meaning of these four words? In language, the more you emphasize a word or phrase, the more meaning is attached to it. These words keep coming back and the more I "hear them" in the depths of my soul, the more I am forced to acknowledge them, stop and consider them, and choose to believe them. But before I can believe them, I have to ask the question, do I even understand what they mean? Do I really comprehend that the Almighty God, the one who, out of his mouth poured furious light, who holds back the oceans with his hand, who measures the universe in the span of his hand, who paints the sky each morning and each evening, this God...YHWH...I am that I am...who was and is and always will be, the Alpha and Omega, the eternal one without beginning or end, this God....is with...me. He is with me. This word with is a relational word. It denotes nearness, among, in the company of (I used my awesome scholastic skills here and looked up the definition.. ;) ). I guess, I'm just now having my eyes opened to the beauty and majesty of what it means!
I mean....GOD! He is near! He is among humanity! His presence is over us, around us; His Spirit moves through us, counsels us, nourishes us, convicts us of our wrongs, supports us, empowers us to speak boldly and with courage. We can actually "feel" his nearness at times and know it in our souls. He holds us up, walks beside us. This relationship with God is real. It's real. It touches every aspect of our lives, not just when we are at church should we draw "near" to the Lord. But when you wake in the morning, reach out to Him to take hold of Him, speak to Him as you would a friend who is next to you, and believe that He speaks back...listen for Him. Just think how much our lives could change if we lived intentionally as if those words were actually true...."I am with You." He knows it's true...do I? Do you? Does the church? I think I'd live my life more passionately if I truly believed it.
So here we go God, you're with me. Let's go. Let's live this life together. Go deep with me. Show me the world that you see. Motivate me. Flood my heart with your love and compassion. Give me one pure and Holy Passion. One magnificent obsession. That I may know and follow hard after you.

December Fun

2008-12-16T11:28:00.001-06:00

Yes folks, that's right, Snow in TEXAS! For two minutes last wednesday night, it snowed. It is evidenced on my car.
You, can't really see the snow on the roof of my car, but it's there.

And so to prove that it's there I made a hand print.

The Christmas season has arrived! And all the holiday lights are on display. In fact, tonight our church is taking a tour of the Longview Lights display...and I must say from the the displays I've seen already, Longview goes all out! But I've always loved the Christmas lights. When I was a little girl, my sisters and I would run to our car when we were getting ready to head to church and wrestle over who got to sit on which side of the car...all because we knew who get the better view of all the Christmas lights on the way to church...and we'd make a competition out of it too...who ever counted the most lights on their side would win! Now, of course we never actually won anything, but bragging rights, and as the youngest of three girls, I needed all the bragging rights I could get. :)
So, in some ways seeing all these lights just brings up really fun memories for me as a little girl.
This past saturday I went to Jefferson, the historical town filled with antique shops (Dad, you'd be in heaven) with some friends from the church and we did some Christmas shopping. A very festive and fun occasion to get me in the Christmas mood. Here are just a few pictures from that night.

Alicia, making a new friend.

Of course we found the cowboy hats. Yee HAw!

Here are the animals that were part of the strange manger scene made out of metal. We werent' exactly sure what the small middle animal was supposed to be, we actually thought it was a giant fly, but I don't recall a giant fly being a part of the manger scene.

There are some crazy things found in the Jefferson General Store...We found the crazy sunglasses section. Here, Alicia Nevius is sporting her "winged pig" sunglasses.

Hey, what's life without a little fun, eh?

Tidal Wave of Grief Meets Strong Tower of Love

2008-12-12T11:36:00.000-06:00

Many of you might have already read this note that I've written on facebook, but I also wanted to include this on my blog so that those who are not facebook users could also be included in this. Please be praying for Jennifer. I've really felt compelled lately to make sure that as the one month mark approaches, and the two month mark, and so on since Scott's death that I need to be praying all the more. It's easy to remember to pray when the news hits you, but harder as the time moves on. So, those prayer warriors out there who read this, I beseech you, PRAY for Jennifer and those you know who have lost loved ones. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Where O Death is your victory?
Where O Death is your sting?
These verses bring hope for the child of God who has walked through death's doorway, and entered into the eternal presence of his creator, into the presence of his Savior because death is not the end, it is the beginning. It's the triumphal entrance into the heavenly throne room where the almighty God sits enthroned with JEsus Christ as His right hand...what an amazing realization that Scott has entered into this reality...he is abiding with his God.
It does take away the sting...somewhat. But I can't help but experience a little bit of a sting as I process this death and how it affects the friend I love so dearly. It does seem there is a bit of a sting for those who are left behind. Wife, children, parents, friends.
Many of you who read this might wonder what I'm talking about and many of you are experiencing it with me. 10 days ago my dear friend from Toccoa, Jennifer Robertson Mason, lost her husband in a tragic accident. The news has left many of us shocked, and at a loss of how to bring true comfort to Jennifer and the rest of the family during this time. It also has left many of us to reflect on how quickly life can change and that we are not promised tomorrow. But it also makes me marvel at how intense grief can be.
Let me reflect a bit.
Over the past several months in many ways I have felt some incredible feelings of grief as my dad's best friend, a man very dear to my heart, died in a tragic motorcycle accident. I saw how death affected my dad, my mom, and this man's wife, and how it affected me.It's horribly painful, and something we cannot control.
Other feelings of grief of having to start my life over in an unfamiliar place...losing a life that I loved and gaining a life I do not know and does not yet seem like mine.
Grief...it comes upon you like a tidal wave, with intense emotions that the human body can't control, and often times can't stand up against. it causes an ache that is haunting and often debilitating...but yet it is a stage in the healing process. and it is a place where God's compassion flows with strength and his comfort warms. His presence during those times is like nothing else...it nourishes, it cleanses, and it heals and it protects.
You see, God knows what it is to mourn. Jesus, away when he hears word of Lazarus' death, was full of grief. God the father, as He watched from above as His son was crucified, had to turn His face away, and allow it so that mankind would recieve redemption and reconciliation. He knows what i means to grieve, and i believe and have been praying for Jennifer in such a way that God would reach deep into the depths of her being and whisper words of love to her, and would satisfy her soul in the times of weariness ahead. The tidal wave of grief meets the strong tower of God's love. For nothing can separate us from the love of God. Death is, for those who belong to God through Jesus, the entrance into complete knowledge and experience of His love. Now Scott sees with unveiled sight, for he is in the presence of God, where He was always meant to be. Jennifer will see him again and the reunion will be beautiful.
Where O death is your victory?
Where O death is your sting?

A chance to rub it in a little....

2008-11-25T13:21:00.001-06:00

Well it is the middle of November here in Texas and.....yesterday I was wearing shorts and flip-flops! Now, really I feel awfully for all of you northern folks who have already been cursed (oops I mean blessed :) ) by several inches of snow. After the harsh winter I experienced in Chicago last year, I am ready for a couple years without snow and all the work that comes along with it. A friend posted on her blog some pictures of the snow they've already received and I just shivered looking at it. I don't miss the cold. I love the blue skies, the warm weather with a little bit of a chill, and the clear night skies with bright and shining stars.

The leaves have just now begun to fall off the trees...and right into my newly planted garden, so I am constantly out there gathering the leaves out of my flowerbed. :) Planting my new flower garden gave me a real physical sense of accomplishment. I got a chance to really get into the dirt, dig around and plant beautiful colorful flowers. I still have work to do to keep it up and to keep the flowers fresh and healthy, but really now I can sit back and watch as the plants take shape.

It has been therapeutic for me to get out there and get my hands dirty while planting something beautiful. And in a sense it is a great parallel to ministry as well. When we really get involved in the lives of people and the church often we have to get down on our hands and knees and get dirty. We have to dig around, find the right placement for people where they will grow the best, place them there, nourish them, give them water, till the soil and then watch them grow. And as much of the mystery of the growing process happens beneath the surface with plants so is the mystery of our sanctification and maturing process in the souls of humanity; it is done in the secret places and we don't often see the fruit until the time is right.
And we wait. Pray. Wait. Pray. Encourage. Nourish. Pray.

And finally....I am getting a roommate! I've really enjoyed having a house to live in and having my own space, but for all of you who know me well, you know how much more I enjoy living life with people. So I've been thinking that it would be great to find a roommate, and viola! my friend Audra was planning on moving out of her apartment and trying to figure out what she was going to do! So, this week she is movin in! She's hilarious, provides much laughter in my life, a deep thinker and a spiritual encourager. I'm looking forward to our friendship!

Adaptations

2008-10-25T14:54:00.000-05:00

This past week I got a chance to see parts of Texas that made me want to don my cowgirl hat, get myself a horse and drive some longhorn cattle out west. Did this midwestern girl, gone urban chicago, just really say that she wanted to be a part of a cattle drive? Yes, she did. :) If anything, these past two months have taught me how to appreciate many different ways of living life. Now, I didn't say that I'm going to turn Texan, there is too much Yankee in me to go native southerner, but I can at least appreciate all this southern hospitality and let it rub off on me a bit. And you know, it really is easier to just say ya'll instead of you all or you guys. :)

Okay, now I need some help from all of you who read my blogs. I want to paint some walls in my house but I'm still trying to figure out the colors. Got any ideas? I'm open for creativity here!

Life has certainly been interesting for me lately. I've been here for almost 3 months now and I'm still trying to settle down. I don't think there has been two weeks that have looked the same since I've arrived here, which makes it hard to really have a schedule or to know what to expect. On the positive side though it helps me to live for the day instead of living for planning the following weeks. I've also realized how much I have to learn, but I don't see there being any better place for me to learn than right where I am, working with the people God has placed me among. In some ways I feel myself resisting some things because they seem different or aren't the way I've seen them done before and right there I see that I have some work to do in my mind set. That was the very thing that all my profs both in undergrad and graduate school taught us to be aware of. Being ethnocentric-thinking our way is better than the way of the certain culture you are working among. It's so easy to enter into a situation and do what I've done or seen done before without really looking at the people and the culture of the area and asking the question: "how will the gospel of Jesus Christ be effectively proclaimed and demonstrated here?" And the answers could and will look different from the ways I've done it before. A lot of lessons in adaptation. Adapting to the climate. The pace of life. The value system. The Bible belt. Recreational activities. Lack of good coffee shops ;). Social and political structures. Communication styles. Ministry styles...and many more!
All of this makes me certain that I am right where I am meant to be.

Oh Ike!

2008-10-03T15:52:00.000-05:00

Well finally I am able to put up some pictures from Hurricane Ike.
Here we have the tree resting quite nicely on the side of my house. Now in the pictures it looks as if the tree is actually sticking into the house, but it's really not.

this is just a few days later after our great great team of guys cut down the tree and then began to repair the roof. I was back in my house a few days later. And my house is back to it's old new self. Oh the exciting life of East Texas. Haha, what's next???!!!!

Casa Del Summer

2008-09-07T14:46:00.000-05:00

Welcome! I invite all of you to take a tour with me of my Texas abode!This, obviously is my front yard. Someone from the church comes to cut my grass and take care of the flowers here in the front. Which is good, otherwise it would probably be a jungle in my front yard with who knows what kind of animals!

This is the view from the front door. If you walk straight ahead, it opens into the family room.

This is the view that you find when you look immediately to the left once walking into the house. This is the living room/welcome room. I really don't spend too much time in this room, although during the day, the sun shines right through the big picture window and makes is so bright and calming!

This is the family room, the room where I spend most of my time. (Sorry the picture is so dark, I took it at night time. As you can see I have another picture window in this room which also brings in a lot of sunlight...ahhhhhhh.

Here is my spacious kitchen! There is so much storage space and space to move around, you can actually fit three-four people in it at a time and not be bumping, elbowing and tripping each other while cooking! Hmmm...not that I have that problem though living alone...however when I have people over, which I do a lot it makes things easier.

This is the view of my family room from the kitchen. It's all so open which is great for having people over, you can discuss and keep conversation going even while in two different rooms.

This...is the hallway. Ooooh. Ahhhhhhh. ;)

The guest bathroom! Actually I use this one instead of the one off my room because it's bigger and I like the colors better. :) You can't see it in the picture but I have a bath tub! Which means...yes you all know....bubble baths!

Here we have the spare bedroom, which is where all my guests will stay when they come to visit...hint hint. ;)

This is my bedroom...and yes I still sleep with a stuffed animal. His name is samson. He's a big mouse.

View of my room from the bed. In the right of this picture you see part of a door. That is the door to my "walk-in-closet". yeah, it's huge! Lots of space for shoes. :) If the picture would have extended a little bit to the right of the closet you would have seen the bathroom that connects to my room. sorry, i only had so much time to download pictures-I couldn't get everything. :)

And this is my backyard. Perfect for parties, bonfires, a hammock and to plant flowers and herbs. :) So much potential!

So, there you have it folks, the tour of my house in Texas. It's great. I really enjoy the house a lot. God has been good. He's good all the time, and this is just some of the evidence of His goodness and provision.

And so it begins.....

2008-09-06T10:10:00.000-05:00

It's a beautiful day today, the skies are bright blue, the crape myrtle trees are in full bloom with beautiful magenta flowers and the grass is a vibrant shade of green. The air is a bit crisp as well which tells me that fall is on its way; and this....refreshes me.

I'm beginning to settle in here. I'm finding local stores to frequent, I even found a coffee shop that isn't starbucks, it's called the Java Lounge! As I'm getting to know people I am finding out the small, unique quirks about Texas and hearing about fun places to go in nearby cities. There is antiquing in Jefferson, a rodeo in gladewater, a boardwalk in Shreveport, LA (which is the casino junction for this area), live blues music at the the local coffeeshop, sweet tea everywhere (it wouldn't surprise me if it started flowing in fountains here....mmmm sweet tea fountains!), the fitness center on Letourneau Campus where I can go to exercise, a 4 mile bike path, several state parks nearby in which I can get away for a weekend and camp, tall tall pine trees, magnolia trees, well just trees everywhere-and many more things that I'm looking forward to finding! I'll definitely be posting more about my excursions in East Texas so you'll have to visit my blog frequently to hear all about it!
This blog really is all for you! Many have asked about life in Texas and so I thought I'd have one place for people to go to hear and see the things happening down here. There is a southern charm and I do believe it's growing on me!
Ya'll come back now, ya hear?! haha!!!! (oh dear...what's happening to me????!!!!)